Calling truce in mom vs. dad battle

Father’s Day has arrived and, quite frankly, I’m surprised it’s still a thing.

Often right around this holiday that’s supposed to celebrate the patriarchal parent, I start reading about the demise of fathers and their ’hood. Some scientific study or sociological analysis usually comes out exclaiming our role, if not our entire biological makeup, is obsolete or just plain unnecessary.

Women are more successful nurturers, it will claim, and the collected readership is supposed to gasp something societal mores have dictated for eons. But wait, there’s more! Since women increasingly are bringing home a greater portion of a families’ income (just not as big as their male counterparts, so dude — you still have sexism going for you) when they become too busy working the boardrooms they just need to hire another nurturing woman to raise the kids for them. By golly, they CAN have it all!

Not the greatest of presents for a dad to receive on his supposed “day,” but it still beats getting another novelty barbecue apron.

I’ve yet to see one of those studies this year. I’m thinking the scientific and academic communities decided they could just sit this one out. Social media and cable news have been doing all the necessary work of late.

The #MeToo movement, toxic masculinity, mansplaining. Some big-name dads and beloved father figures being exposed as predators or questioned for inappropriateness (TRIGGER ALERT: Joe Biden might have once said to a woman, “Gee, your hair smells terrific!”). Heck, if President Trump was a woman, she’d be whipping up a Tweetstorm to have us all deported behind the best and bigly-est — I mean, just tremendous, HUUUUGE — of walls by now. But he’s not, so wink-wink, nudgenudge, hombres.

Meanwhile we non-criminal, non-creepy dads are still here, hanging on by the material in the oversized pockets of our cargo shorts, trying to make sense of what we should be doing these days or if it even matters.

Well, it does.

Being a father is being a parent. Being a parent is not the exclusive domain of one gender no matter what Hallmark or that lady at the checkout telling you what food is best for the kiddie in your cart (that’s called “momsplaining,” by the way). Outside of that giving birth thing, of course. Yes, breastfeeding, too. But I think geneticists are working on making that last one equal opportunity so — watch out, mama!

While the definition of masculinity, or rather “being a man” and hence being a dad, has been evolving for some time now, what defines being a parent hasn’t really changed. It still means to nurture, provide for and protect one’s child — all three, all the time. The definition of how to do that certainly differs widely among parents. Some believe it means scheduling and monitoring a kid’s every waking moment. Others believe in winding them in bubble wrap. Regardless, the intention should be the caretaker’s best so there’s no reason any man can’t parent as well — or, for that matter, as crazily and obsessively — as any women out there.

Do we guys still need to be strong? Sure, for the occasional opening of a stubborn jar. Do we need to stay stoic? One viewing of how Jack Pearson parents on “This Is Us” and you will rethink why you use toilet paper instead of splurging on real tissues. Being the family breadwinner? My kids are thankful that’s not the case because they’ve seen my paychecks. I am a bit flattered, though, that they feed my allegedly fragile ego by only swiping cash from my wallet. But that’s mostly because their mother’s is always with her at the office.

Meanwhile, let’s stop this mom vs. dad battle for parenting superiority and realize we are all in this together. But guys, we still deserve to have ourselves a happy Father’s Day. After all, you’ve come a long way, buster.