Daughter of a narcissist shares what she has learned

Dear Readers:

Over the last few months, I’ve received many requests to reprint the letter from “Empathic Daughter of a Narcissist.” Here it is:

Dear Annie:

I am writing in response to the letter from “Concerned Care-Daughter,” who said she was approaching caregiver burnout. It sounds to me like she is very empathic, and her older sister may have narcissist traits.

Narcissistic traits include being dismissive of other people’s points of view and being very controlling. My mother had many strong narcissistic traits, and I had to learn to set boundaries the hard way. I’ve found healing through understanding by reading books and watching videos on this topic, including on YouTube. Narcissists believe they are special and think they know more than others do. When problems come along, they blame other people because they don’t make mistakes. They can be ridiculously defensive. They cannot say phrases like, “You make a good point,” or “Thanks for the input,” or “I was wrong,” or “Can you help me understand?” Instead, they mismanage anger and can have temper tantrums, or they can be passive-aggressive if you don’t agree with them. They don’t care how you feel. Narcissists will wear out their relationships. They’re exasperating and frustrating, so they have a lot of broken and difficult relationships. Empaths, on the other hand, intuitively pick up on other people’s feelings. They can deeply understand another person’s point of view. They have a passion to be helpful; they are sensitive and are deeply moved by beauty. They love to help the underdog. Empaths tend to be idealists. One of their favorite phrases is, “Why can’t we all just get along?” Unfortunately, the narcissist tends to be exploitative and highly controlling. And when they meet an empath, they can think, “Now what can

I do with that person that’s going to make me feel better and will help me?”

So it’s important for the empath to learn to set boundaries with a narcissist. It won’t change the behavior of the narcissist, but the empaths can learn to protect themselves.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators .com.