New Haven Register (Sunday) (New Haven, CT)
An end-of-life option can make living better
I recently had a birthday. Yep, another one. So I’m 76, which is fine, right? It’s the new 66 — or the new 86 — I can’t remember how that goes. I’m in good health, considering the abuses I’ve put myself through. I have the maladies that old people are supposed to have: unsure ankles, wonky knees and a hip that doesn’t want to be a hip anymore. I also have various issues with various tissues that we needn’t go into here. I’m getting old. It’s what’s expected. Of course, I don’t yet know my exact end date — but it’s definitely coming up — it’s nearer to me than my memories.
So, it’s time for me to take a good, hard look forward: it’s time to get responsible about my dying. I’ll make some plans so that the loved ones I’ll be leaving behind will be able to proceed with a blueprint of some kind. I’ll make lists for Jill, my wonderful wife. Bank accounts, insurance policies, pension plans, house expenses, car leases: I’ll leave clear instructions. The only problem being that Jill never reads instructions. She prefers to plunge in and let the chips fall where they may. Which is what they do, of course. Fall, that is. Where they may. Ah, well. What I will do before I die is give her face-to-face lessons on the three remotes that control the TV because they’re impenetrable. Our kids will help her. They’ll help get her back on track.
I got a lesson in dying from a dear friend of mine last year, the legendary actor René Auberjonois. He got a diagnosis of stage-four lung cancer and he was given a year to live, more or less. He called us to give us the news. I got very emotional on the phone.
“We’re not dead until we’re dead, René. Don’t forget that,” I said to him — and to myself — of course. “We don’t die in increments. We’re alive until we’re not. So your responsibility to your wife and your children and their children — and to yourself — is to live. And then, after you die, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”
He, of course, knew all this. René and his wife Judith took a trip to Ireland with their kids and grandkids. His sister and her family live there — on a beautiful Irish farm — and they all leapt into that adventure together. Then René and Judith went to
Buenos Aires, where they had never been, and learned the tango. One of his prodigious talents was photography and he sent me a photo that he handpainted of tango dancers in Buenos Aires. And on the back of it he quoted the Canadian singer-songwriter, musician, poet and novelist Leonard Cohen:
“Dance me through the panic ’til I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love.”
In addition to his great acting skills, René was a formidable artist, a sculptor, a painter, a photographer. Every breath he took was creative. He couldn’t help it.
And because he lived in California, where unlike in Connecticut, medical aid in dying is an option for terminally ill adults to die peacefully, he created for himself and his family a beautiful death. In his last weeks he combed through nearly 60 years of photographs and put together a slide show for the family. They gathered at his bedside and watched the history of their life together, with the Beatles’ music blasting merrily away. It took hours to see it all. They laughed, they danced, they hugged, they cried. It was like life. And then, with everyone gathered, he took his aidin-dying medication and peacefully died a very loving death. One of the last things he said was a thank you to the state of California for allowing him to die with the option of how it would proceed. He died as he lived: as an artist.
I have no idea how or when I’m going to die. It could happen suddenly and unexpectedly, in which case my end-of-life care options won’t be an issue. But I know that if my state, Connecticut, has passed a recently introduced bill (H.B. 6425) that guarantees the end-of-life care option of medical aid in dying, then my life will be better now. And now is really what it’s all about.
UConn coach Geno Auriemma wants his team to start rounding into form now, not later, in order to be running on all cylinders come next month’s NCAA Tournament.
The Huskies aren’t a finished product. They still have some issues to fix. But they appear to be trending up.
The nation’s top-ranked team took another step forward Saturday in Cincinnati by crushing lowly Xavier, 83-32.
“This is a great spot that we’re in,” guard Christyn Williams said. “Earlier in the season, we had bumps in the road due to COVID and everything. It messed with us mentally, but I feel like now that we’ve gotten on a roll … we’re getting our flow. I feel like that’s just helping everybody play their role and constantly get better.”
The Huskies (18-1, 15-0) have now won eight straight and have clinched at least a share of the Big East championship.
Williams had her second straight 20-point game, finishing with 22 points on 9 of 16 shooting. The junior is averaging 21 over her last three since going scoreless against Seton Hall on Feb. 10.
“She’s playing at a real high level right now at the perfect time,” Auriemma said.
The same can be said of Williams’ classmate Olivia NelsonOdoda, who flirted with a triple-double before finishing with 11 points, eight rebounds and six assists. Freshman Aaliyah Edwards added 16 points and 11 boards for her first ca
reer double-double.
“We were trying to make sure that we got her involved and handling the ball more,” Auriemma said of the 6-foot-5 Nelson-Ododa. “The more she handles the ball and the more that people move around her, the more assists she is going to get.
“Today was the perfect kind of game of Liv where she’s involved in a lot of different aspects, not just scoring in the post or taking a jump shot. She was making it easy for others to get shots.”
She was also taking some of the burden off Paige Bueckers. The sensational freshman didn’t score much but she didn’t need to.
Bueckers rolled her right ankle — the same one she sprained Jan. 21 against Tennessee — on a pass to Williams just 4:01 into the game. She was promptly taken out, but returned shortly after and buried a 3. She’d go on to post 11 points — her third-lowest total of the season — and seven assists. She was 4 of 11 from the floor, including 1 of 5 from 3.
“She probably missed more shots than she has because she’s been on like a superhuman streak since the season started,” Auriemma said of Bueckers, who came into the game averaging a team-high 21.1 points and leading the country in 3-point shooting at 55.8%. “Maybe it’s unrealistic to think it’s going to be like that. Some days, the ball just doesn’t go in.”
As for Bueckers’ ankle, Auriemma indicated that she is fine.
“If it was a problem obviously she wouldn’t have been able to play,” Auriemma said. “But it was nothing.”
The Huskies left no doubt against the Musketeers, jumping out to a 14-2 lead and quickly blowing the game open. Xavier missed nine of its first 10 shots and was held scoreless for 5:30. UConn outscored them 26-6 in the first quarter.
It didn’t get any better for the Musketeers (4-7) in the second as their deficit reached 29. UConn’s defense kept its form and prevented the Musketeers from doing much of anything. Xavier managed only 13 points in the half on 20% shooting.
Xavier’s 32 points
matched the second-fewest scored against UConn this season. The Musketeers were held to 24% shooting and missed all 16 3-pointers they attempted.
“I think we got to the point where we weren’t really focusing on the score and we were just kind of having fun out there as a team,” Edwards said. “Once we got steals on defense … we were just playing together.”
The Huskies will now have a few days off before visiting Creighton on Thursday.
WHEN WILL MAKURAT RETURN?
Sophomore Anna Makurat has been out since Jan. 21 with a lower leg injury, and Auriemma said her status hasn’t changed. At this point, he said it’d be “great” if they could get her back for the Big East Tournament, which begins March 5.
“It’s just the same as it’s been,” he said. “She’s getting a chance to get out there and get some shots up, and she’s doing a great job in the weight room and doing her rehab and staying in shape.”