New Haven Register (Sunday) (New Haven, CT)
Making connections when faith matters most
One of the times that faith matters most is when you are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
As a longtime member of the community and ministry, I frequently receive phone calls from the staff and management of funeral homes. Usually, they are meeting with families and needing to arrange for a clergy to officiate at a memorial service — “to say a few words,” lead in prayer and assist the family of the deceased with their “final goodbyes.”
The reason the calls generally come from funeral home staff and not one of the family members is that increasingly people no longer have a faith community connection. Therefore, it is left up to the funeral directors to locate an available clergy member. Being semi-retired, I am usually able to make the commitment if my calendar is clear. I often say, “Funeral dates aren’t planned like weddings and other celebrations.” When the occasion occurs, I just try to accommodate.
Often the funeral staff will say something like this: “The family is not particularly religious but want a non-sectarian service.” I request the name of a next of kin (NOK) and a phone number in order to call and discuss their wishes and gather further information regarding the deceased that may not be included in the obituary. I do this to gain insight into the individual’s life so I can make the service and my remarks fit the person and their family.
Most people have had some previous religious involvement, even if it has been some years ago. Whether the family is Protestant, Catholic or Jewish, I am usually able to construct a service and a message utilizing Hebrew and Christian Scriptures.
Celebrating a life, dealing with loss and making plans going forward is never easy, but relying on faith can ease the process. That’s where ministers/ clergy can assist the funeral directors and families. Sometimes a death is totally unexpected but occasionally there are weeks or months leading up to a loved one’s passing where the reality of death is a clear possibility. During that time, inquiring and learning of a person’s wishes
for their funeral service is helpful.
Ministers are willing to make a visit, meet or call if requested — further assisting to make a connection with the individual and family.
Death and dying is very much a part of life; it’s something that we all will experience personally. “It is appointed (destined) for people to die once and after that the judgment,” Hebrews 9:27.
Faith matters in life and eternity.