New Haven Register (Sunday) (New Haven, CT)
All we really need to know this Thanksgiving season
Gratitude means we understand that nothing is owed to us; that much of what we possess is gifted from those who came before us; and, spiritually speaking, the key to the balanced life is to “return thanks” by giving to others.
“All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.”
So opined philosopher and Unitarian minister Robert Fulghum in his 1986 book by that title. The title essay observes that sharing, being kind, cleaning up after ourselves and living a balanced life are basic life lessons taught in kindergarten and “all (we) really need to know” to make the world better.
Gratitude is one of those lessons. For some of us of a certain age, “please” and “thank you” are the “magic words” that unlock an abundance of blessings.
With a national day of Thanksgiving this Thursday, it is easy to romanticize gratitude.
We live in New England, after all, home of one of the greatest Thanksgiving feasts if one embraces the narrative of Pilgrims and Natives harmoniously chowing down to celebrate the Pilgrims’ survival of the winter of 1620.
In her New York Times article “Everything You Learned About Thanksgiving Is Wrong” (Nov. 21, 2017), Maya Salam interviews historians and other scholars to challenge the romantic notions we have about this day. Given that November is Native American Heritage Month, it is good for us to know the mixed motives of the colonizers and their subsequent violence against native peoples.
Yet for all the complexity of our national history, an “attitude of gratitude” is at the very heart of living a balanced life. While “giving thanks” is an important social courtesy, it is also a way of understanding “faith matters.” Gratitude means we understand that nothing is owed to us; that much of what we possess is gifted from those who came before us; and, spiritually speaking, the key to the balanced life is to “return thanks” by giving to others. It is not an accident that many churches time their annual fund appeal in November. It is a season of gratitude.
It is also a season of learning: not just about our national history, but about ourselves. Not long ago I queried a young friend who replied to my “Thank You” with “Of course.” I asked, “why not ‘you’re welcome,’ ” as many of my age were taught. She replied, “It seems presumptive. It’s as if I have done something monumental, instead of just being a kind, thoughtful person.” Fulghum, anyone?
The patent clarity of all this is obvious, yet even obvious truths need a periodic reminder. An “attitude of gratitude” is not based on externals, although outward circumstances certainly can prompt gratitude. Yet we all know people who are blessed beyond imagining who are bitter; and some who struggle yet seem always able to count their blessings. It is not an accident that dates set for American Thanksgiving were borne out of struggle.
Lincoln’s proclamation for a national day of Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November 1863 arose out of the pain of the Civil War. Victories in July at Gettysburg and Vicksburg marked the turning point of the war but that was far from obvious. Roosevelt’s adjustment of the date to the fourth Thursday of November responded to a nation gripped by economic depression. The change of date provided a lengthened Christmas shopping season to boost to a struggling economy. In both instances, outward circumstances were not conducive to giving thanks, but this did not stop national leaders from calling the nation to a time of reflection and gratitude. Similarly, Connecticut Gov. Wilbur Cross’ 1936 “Heel of Orion” Thanksgiving proclamation – often reprinted in this newspaper and read by this writer at Thanksgiving dinner – emerged from the Great Depression.
So wherever you are this Thursday, give thanks. Express gratitude for all that you have and all that you are. Give thanks, in Cross’ prose, “for all those things, as dear as breath to the body, that quicken [one’s} faith.” Give thanks. In this season, it’s all we really need to know.