Senior clash is sorta sad
Peter Segal’s cynical comedy “Grudge Match” coulda been a contender. The premise is delicious: boxers Billy (The K Kid) McDonnen (Robert De N Niro) and Henry (Razor) Sharp ( (Sylvester Stallone), long retired, s still hate each other so much t they’ll come out of a 30-year dorm mancy to fight one last time.
De Niro, of course, won an O Oscar for the greatest portrayal o of a boxer ever: Jake LaMotta i in “Raging Bull.” And Stallone b became a superstar thanks to ““Rocky” — both the film and its u unforgettable main character.
Now it’s three decades later, a and money-hungry promoters a are throwing money at them to cash in on past glories. Seeing a quick paycheck, they agree.
I’m talking about the characters here. But I could just as easily mean De Niro and Stallone.
The last time their onscreen characters met, in ’82, The Kid won their title bout and then instantly retired before a rematch. This — plus the fact that The Kid stole away his ladylove (Kim Basinger) — still drives Razor crazy.
The Kid thinks a faceoff between 65-year-olds sounds awful, but it’ll help his bankrupt former trainer (Alan Arkin).
A director who hoped to honor his legendary actors, rather than use them as marketing hooks, might’ve made this work. Not Segal.
But let’s give credit to the cast, who are fully (if bafflingly) committed. Stallone, a better actor than anyone believes, has a touching pride. De Niro’s charged with keeping the energy up; his enthusiasm almost sells it, despite inane man-boob jokes. Arkin and Kevin Hart, as a fast-talking promoter, roll with the punches.
All faults could be forgiven if the finale was a blockbuster. Yet with its clunky choreography and slow-moving athletes, it may be history’s saddest fight scene. The problem isn’t that the guys are old or out of shape (they’re quite buff). There’s just no value or fun in seeing still-vital talents exploiting their past for nothing more than the price of a purse.