Waddler under bridge
JUST BECAUSE he looks like a teddy bear doesn’t mean he’s not a killer whale. Just because he talks straight doesn’t mean he’s not crooked. Just because he’d rather talk a marathon than run one doesn’t mean he’s not as fast on his feet as the skinny pols we all know and hate.
I’m talking about that big fat liar, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who this week got himself caught in a massive jam — of the traffic kind — orchestrated, he swears, without his knowledge, against Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich.
If you believe that, maybe you’d like to see this bridge I have for sale.
Christie, the man who became America’s Governor after Hurricane Sandy the way that Rudy Giuliani became America’s Mayor after 9/11, is about to fall even faster from grace than Giuliani did after people got disgusted at how he milked 9/11 like a prize cow. Christie stands a chance of going down big-time because he’s a liar, even about the small stuff.
Take the mea not-culpa press conference he held, which was longer than Ted Cruz’s talking bender on the Senate floor. (Is it over yet?)
It started off well enough — and seriously, at first even I was pulling for him. I mean how can you hate a guy who beat the odds by overeating through the pain of the lap band?
So, yes, I thought it was possible Christie didn’t know about the dumbest bit of Jersey-style retribution since Bobby Bacala Sr. whacked Mustang Sally and then promptly dropped dead.
Maybe it was even possible that Christie hadn’t orchestrated Bridgegate (how a bridge can be a gate, I don’t know), and maybe somehow he hadn’t noticed the four-day, gridlock from Fort Lee onto the GWB. Why could that be possible? Because alerting Gov. Christie to a traffic jam on the GWB would make as much sense as alerting Gov. Cuomo to a jam on the Van Wyck. Some things just always are.
But then, because Christie’s ego is as big as his appetite, he couldn’t stop while he was ahead and said, “… until I saw (Mayor Sokolich’s) picture on television, I couldn’t have picked him out of a lineup.” Lineup? Who is he? Snooki? Worse, he expects us to believe that the governor of New Jersey doesn’t know what the mayor of Fort Lee looks like? Hello? This is a guy who recognizes (because he hit them up for and got endorsements from) obscure pols like Teaneck councilman Yitz Stern and Dover town Alderman Michelle Yzarnotegui.
Bottom line? Either Christie’s a liar or he never got the memo about how politicians usually don’t get done in by the crime, but always get destroyed by the coverup.
Somewhere Hillary Clinton is making a giant novena of thanks.