The hills are alive, so I hear

SOCHI, Russia — I’m heading to the mountains on Sunday, which will be a big mistake. Every Olympics, I commute for the downhill event and then discover to my dismay how much nicer it is in the mountains than in town. Nate Vinton, I’m quite sure, is sipping vodka and God knows what else right now with Russian models in a chalet. I will confirm that very soon, and it will only make me more miserable.

When we wake up here in the morning and head downstairs for breakfast, reminders are posted so that we do not die along the way:

“Please remember: Elevator is the equipment of increased danger. Do not penetrate into the elevator hoistway and pit.”

I have not penetrated yet, so things are fine on my end. But again… you can never be too forewarned.

Russian English is just as fun as Chinese English, except that it can mess up your Internet connection. When you log on, there’s an icon that says, “Complete the connection.” Unfortunately, the Russians think “complete” means “end,” or “sign off.” Every five minutes or so, another English-speaking journalist cuts off his own session. Listen for the screams.

The Russian Olympic Committee is more accomplished than the Mets at exaggerating attendance. Alessandra Kosterina, a spokewoman, announced the gate inside Olympic Park on Friday at 44,431. Trust me, that wasn’t the case. The Mets “averaged” 26,366 last year, and were better attended.

No wonder I’m dizzy: When I stumble on a news item these days, I’m not sure whether to post it on our live blog, on Twitter, in my diary, on our website or in the paper. They call these things platforms in our business. I can’t wait to dive off all of them onto a couch in front of my TV at home.