The Least Fascinating People
for 2014’s Step aside, Barbara Walters, Least Fascinating People
If you’re looking to be captivated, your night is here. Barbara Walters’ annual “10 Most Fascinating People” list will be unveiled Sunday night at 9 on ABC, featuring the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Neil Patrick Harris, David Koch, Michael Strahan, Taylor Swift, Oprah and Chelsea Handler.
We would never argue with Ms. Walters’ designations. But there is another side to this discussion.
Down here in the tabloid trenches, we also must deal daily with people who somehow keep getting their names in the news, but who hold, frankly, no fascination whatsoever.
We don’t dislike all these people. We don’t mean they’re bad people. We just wouldn’t mind if they went into hibernation.
Meet, in no particular order, the 10 Least Fascinating People of 2014.
Teresa Giudice. Most of us, if we overturned a table at a dinner party, we’d be a “jerk.” We’re still not sure how it made Teresa a “star.” Now she’s about to be fitted for orange, still whining that she didn’t know what she signed and it was her lawyer’s fault and she’s a great mom and ... oh, just shut up.
Ryan Seacrest. He’s made hundreds of millions by becoming a brand and an image instead of a person. The only interesting thing you could possibly hear Ryan Seacrest say is, “Let me make you a partner in my next deal.”
Lindsay Lohan. Like Britney and others before her, you want her to work her issues out. To be more specific, you want her to work her issues out privately.
Kanye West. Should be licensed to open his mouth only to sing.
Bethenny Frankel. She had a talk show. We got to meet her. We got to know her. We didn’t care.
Ray and Janay Rice. Maybe he lived his whole life helping old ladies across the street until he appeared in that one little teensy-weensy video where he coldcocked his fiancé senseless. Whatever the details, their playbook now should be to remain very quiet.
Chris Brown. Maybe we’ll be interested when he’s the “after” instead of the “before” poster for anger management.
Jim Carrey. Let’s be honest. He was annoying even when his movies were making money.
The Robertson family. “Duck Dynasty” just kinda lost its sense of fun — though our bigger concern is people who sit and watch endless hours of “DD” reruns.
Kim Kardashian. Traditionally, taking your clothes off is the last card you play to keep people interested when you don’t have anything to say. We know we’re looking for a miracle, but if we could ask Santa to subtract just one empty celebrity this year, she’d be our pick. Again.