How not to act at a play
LET’S GET something straight: Using your phone in any capacity during a play or a movie is rude. Trying to charge your cell phone onstage before a live show is rude. Showing up late is rude. This is a matter of discussion because Patti LuPone (inset) actually took someone’s phone away during an Off-Broadway performance of “Shows for Days,” and some yutz tried to plug his phone into a prop outlet before the Broadway comedy “Hand to God” began.
KLG: Patti was right to do that. I’m sorry. Behavior like this has almost spoiled the whole experience for me now. I hardly go to the movies anymore because of the rudeness. Someone sitting near me at a movie recently sat unwrapping candy, loudly, for a while! Hello, I can hear it!
HK: Hello! Stink eye, you gave the stink eye?
KLG: Yep.
HK: We’re so tethered to our phones. Especially during those few moments where we’re supposed to be experiencing something live. Whenever I go to Broadway I have to remind myself, “This is happening now. This is not on tape.”
KLG: At the back of everyone’s head should be, “And if I’m rude, I could spoil it for everybody.”
HK: I hate it when people I’m sitting near use their phones and think that they’re being discreet. That bothers me even more than someone forgetting to shut their phone off and it rings, which is like a “WHOOPS!” I’m talking about the person who’s trying to text in secret, but you can still see the glow from the screen of their phone. I don’t care if they’re four people down, hello, I can see your whole face glowing. Honestly, my peripheral vision is really good.
KLG: I have the worst whoops moment ever. It was Marvin Hamlisch’s wake. I was late and rushed to the synagogue, and in the craziness to get there on time, I had forgotten to turn off my phone. I am sitting there. President Clinton is speaking about Marvin and my phone goes off and it’s Barbra Streisand singing “Papa, Can You Hear Me?” It’s not even a Marvin Hamlisch song! I went, “Oh my gosh! I forgot to turn off my phone.” I just died. That was the worst.
HK: That’s horrible.
KLG: You know, technically a theater is supposed to be a no-text zone.
HK: Maybe they should just create a permanent spot for texting. Devote a few rows in the back or something.