EXPRESS LINES
Last night’s Democratic convention was a triumph for Hillary and reversed what had begun on night one as an awkward and embarrassing hot mess of a convention. Bill made a pitch for his wife in a way we hadn’t seen before — lovingly humanizing their relationship — a relationship that has been dissected, discussed, disgusted and digested by everyone who isn’t them.
The Dems in short, showed us what our nation can be: kind, inclusive, understanding, nonviolent — everything that the Republican convention made us ashamed of becoming.
It was a great thing to see the humanity and the humanization of the first female candidate for President — a portrait that was long overdue and has had serious complications. And with nearly three decades of Clinton fatigue under our belts, making that portrait come to life was a heavy lift.
The Democrats — from our own Rep. Joe Crowley to Bill Clinton — proved themselves to be humane and smart, and did a helluva job of recovering from the tears and jeers of the previous night.
That being said, the convention opened on night one with the party chief being tossed out for inappropriate emails, even as the nominee is trying to recover from her own inappropriate email scandal.
Low lights included Sarah Silverman’s bizarre stint at the podium. The comic struck inappropriate poses like she was in a selfie-taking frenzy and simultaneously managed to scold an arena full of attendees who refused to give up on Bernie and were booing and weeping like they were at a state funeral.
Dems: Did you really expect us to take seriously the political opinions of a woman who costarred in a short movie that takes place inside a dog’s rectum titled, “Cops, C-m, D--ks, and Flying”?
Silverman’s time at the podium was followed by Paul Simon singing the appropriately themed, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters,” while delegates swayed like demented audience members on “American Idol.”
You can sing that again, brother.
Awkward too was Elizabeth Warren’s time at the podium as she tried to speak amid boos and cries of “We trusted you!”
You trusted her? Trusting a politician on a podium makes as much sense as trusting a comic inside a dog’s ass.
Bernie’s much anticipated speech, however, began with such prolonged applause that he nearly sunk the auditorium but ended with him taking such a deep dive for the Dems that he almost needed scuba equipment to surface.
Like? Bernie talked of things such as how Hillary is all for raising the minimum wage. To what? Around the $225,000 an hour like she gets from Goldman Sachs for a speech?
Thank God for Michelle Obama on Monday night! She was like Marilyn in “The Munsters” — a normal person in the middle of a houseful of scary monsters. Somehow she — and Bill last night — made us believe the monsters weren’t real. Too bad they are. This year’s presidential election comes down to two things: Trump stealing the nomination from the GOP party bosses, and the Dem party bosses stealing the nomination from the people. . . . Lindsay Lohan (above) went on an Instagram rant and then a public balcony tirade against her fiancé, Egor Tarabasov. It was so out of control that cops showed up at her apartment to find it, well empty. Lohan then asked the public for privacy. If she’d stop being so public, she’d have plenty of it. We need it, we’re begging for it . . . . “The Bachelorette” host Chris Harrison was concerned that something as unimportant as the Democratic National Convention would run late, and so tweeted: “Check local listings cause I’m guessing the #DNC will hijack up #TheBachelorette time in many cities. Some things are even out of my control.” Really? The fate of the country is out of the control of a host of a TV show that treats women like hookers at a low-rent cathouse? Who knew?