DYLAN A NOBEL FAILURE

Bob Dylan, who deserves the Nobel Prize in Literature like I deserve it for my work in physics, is giving the whole thing the whole finger.

Dylan — who, myth has it, named himself after Dylan Thomas, but maybe it was Matt Dillon from “Gunsmoke” — must agree because the Nobel-winning Dylan, who sounds like he’s channeling ET, hasn’t bothered to respond to the award committee suits who have attempted to reach him. But since no good screed goes unpunished — or unpublished — Dylan (photo) did sort of acknowledge the win with a single line on his website, which read, “Winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature.”

However, he got rid of that line faster than Emily Ratajkowski can drop a shirt.

Are Dylan’s lyrics worthy of the win? I mean how much more profound can you get than “Lay lady lay, lay across my big, brass bed,” or how much more sexist than naming a song, “She Belongs to Me,” about a free-spirited woman as though she’s an object he owns?

Just because nobody knows what the hell his lyrics mean doesn’t mean that they’re literary gems any more than pretentious novels without punctuation automatically are somehow more literary.

If they wanted to give the Nobel in Literature to a songwriter with a great history of poetic, political or personal-anguish verse, how about Eminem, Ice-T, Adele, Billy Joel, Amadou & Mariam or Stevie Wonder to name a very few. Too bad they didn’t think of giving that prize to John Lennon, George Harrison and the truly astounding Amy Winehouse while they could.

Or better yet, why don’t they just create a prize for songwriting?