Pampered dogs, miserable humans
Maybe you’ve seen them popping up around Brooklyn, particularly if you spend time in Williamsburg or Park Slope: sleek little doghouses, with doors that open and close and a slick logo on the side. The company is Dog Parker, and they’re offering something that at first feels perfectly at home in our Uber age: the ability to use an app on your cellphone to put your pooch in a comfy little pod for five or 10 minutes while you go into a store.
Forget about tying that leash around a pole and letting your best friend pant in the heat or shiver in the cold or, God forbid, get stolen. With a few taps and for a few bucks, the dog will be happy, safe and sound.
As an animal lover who makes his living training and walking dogs, I get the appeal. Rover has moved from the backyard to the kitchen to the bedroom to the bed. The increasing anthropomorphism of our pets had spurred a vigorous bull market for products varying in innovation or sheer madness.
Meantime, one man’s overspending is another man’s rent check. For me and others in my line of work, crazy owners make for good business.
But at the risk of biting the hand that feeds me, all of us, and especially those of us who love dogs and care for them, must raise a moral objection: In a city where homelessness is exploding on the streets and in rundown shelters, Dog Parker and its cousins companies are starting to get offensively indulgent.
On Wednesday, the federal government reported that the number of homeless people nationwide was up for the first time in seven years, to nearly 554,000.
More than 76,000 homeless people live in the five boroughs, an increase of 4% compared to last year. That’s more than in any other American city.
On the city’s streets, the numbers were especially dire. They went up from 2,838 in 2016 to 3,936 — a 39% increase.
Given that we can’t find space for all the economically strapped men, women and children, given that Republicans in Congress now promise fresh cuts for welfare, Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare, shouldn’t we be embarrassed as hell about an explosion of innovators inventing, and consumers investing millions in, further lavishing our money and attention on already well-taken-care-of pets?
The disparity has been growing for a while. Years ago, apprenticing with my senior dog-behavior instructor, Linda Rosa, we traveled to different apartments to train dogs. Linda surveyed the plush beds, organic puppy food and doting “parents” (paying her $100 plus per hour) and sighed, “I want to come back as you in my next lifetime,” while handling the pooches.
I recently worked on set for a Goyard shoot as the professional dog handler for the Shiba Inu model. It was an advertisement for a $395 dog bowl. There are actual — I’m not lying — mud shampoos and blueberry facials for Lady or the Tramp!
Nor is this just about the ultra-rich spending more money than they know what to do with. I have struggling friends who spend more on the food for their canines than they do on themselves.
It seems ludicrous that, at a time when mentally ill homeless people go without necessary drugs and treatment, some pet psychologists charge over $250 per hour for a session, and doggie Prozac is commonly prescribed. Voila, pet therapists have found a recession-proof way to put their kids through college. There are even pet psychics who can tell you how your dead fluffykins is doing on “the other side.” The last one I saw charged $150 for this.
In 12-plus years of working with canines, I’ve learned that most behavior problems can be solved with people exercising their four-legged family member more. A dog is an athlete, for God’s sake; it needs over an hour a day of vigorous exercise at a minimum. It doesn’t need a $100 stroller.
Add it all up, and the American Pet Products Association put the consumer tab for 2016 at $66.75 billion, up from $60 billion in 2015.
Dog Parker and other poochie-pampering services are here to stay, so I’m not going to fight city hall on this one or the newest line of designer pet clothes. I might even use a Dog Parker at some point, though at least at the moment, I think they’re a ridiculous idea — like the chocolate covered popcorn I eat.
But for my conscience, I must issue this personal plea: This holiday season, go ahead and lavish a few gifts upon your furry best friend. But also, please, remember the thousands of street people in New York City who can’t afford a home. Throw a few dollars to groups dedicated to helping them best.
Each time I stroll by a heat-controlled kennel, I am reminded of all those who are homeless and will sleep outside, even in the freezing cold. Will some Silicon Valley entrepreneur think about designing selfcleaning, climate-controlled pods for them? And if so, will the city allow them to take up sidewalk space?
Don’t expect that, not even in Bill de Blasio’s New York.