Women, don’t sit on sidelines at meetings

Speaking up can be intimidating for anyone, and if you’re a woman, the nervousness you feel about talking in meetings may be based on a history of being shut out or ignored.

A 2014 study reported in the Harvard Business Review found that women felt “alone, unsupported, outside their comfort zones and unable to advocate forcefully for their perspectives in many high-level meetings.”

Five years later, the situation hasn’t changed, according to Valerie Di Maria, principal at the10company, a strategic consulting firm whose services include communications and leadership coaching for women.

“Many women still struggle with defining their role in meetings,” says Di Maria. “For example, women believe that if they’re not on the agenda, or if they’re not experts on the topic being discussed, they don’t have the opportunity to speak.”

The problem is that women who stay silent are perceived as not being valuable contributors.

“Your reputation depends on how you show up,” explains Di Maria. “If you’re not in the game, it looks like you’re on the sidelines. Even worse are those who sit quietly taking notes. We are not note takers; we’re smart business people with a voice and a viewpoint.”

How can you express that viewpoint even if you find meetings daunting or you’ve been ignored in the past? Di Maria offers these strategies:

Di Maria recalls that when she first assumed a senior communicator role at a corporation, she thought that the only time she could share her viewpoint in a leadership meeting was when the topic related to communication.

“It took me a while to realize that I was a businessperson just like all the guys on the leadership team,” she says. “So I could contribute perspectives on finance, operations, human resources and other issues.”

Before you enter the room, it’s always a good idea to take time to plan what you might say. Speaking knowledgeably also makes it more difficult for someone to discount what you say.

Review the minutes or notes from the last meeting (if they’re available) and actually read the background material sent out before the meeting. Because most participants skim the pre-read (at best), if you spend time on it, you’re ahead of the game. Once you’ve gotten up to speed, write down three to four comments or ideas to share and stay composed while speaking.

Sometimes the best way to participate is to ask the smartest questions in the room. Di Maria is an advocate of doing external research on the topic to be discussed. Find out how this issue is being covered in the media. Determine what competing companies are doing in the space.

With that knowledge, create a list of questions. I believe that even basic questions have value.

As one client told me after I asked a series of simple questions about a change initiative: “Thanks for posing those essential questions. We’re not good at getting down to the basics of an issue. We tend to plunge ahead and realize later that we’re missing key information.”

There are certain times when the best way to get airtime is simply to ask for it.

You don’t have to wait for a time when you have a formal report. You may have some data to share, or, if you’re a provocateur (like me), you may plunge in and suggest a quick brainstorming session on an important topic.

At a certain point, says Di Maria, you need to put yourself out there. Even if those in the meeting disagree with what you have to say, it’s not fatal. As long as you’re thoughtful, expressing your viewpoint is more valuable than saying nothing.

Women can support other women in this effort by voicing agreement with each other. If you’re leading the meeting, let others know it’s not OK to interrupt or make rude remarks about others’ ideas. It’s also a big boost to actively listen, nod and smile when another woman has the floor.

“I cringe when I think back on meetings where I really wanted to say something, but I wasn’t confident enough to do so,” Di Maria says. “But I never regretted when I did speak up. Even if my idea wasn’t accepted, I felt I contributed to the discussion and made a positive impression.”

After all, says Di Maria, “it’s only one meeting.” And the more you take calculated risks, the more you’ll gain experience and increase selfassurance.