Packing Happy’s trunk

It’s anyone’s guess whether Patty and Happy, the 50-something elephants who’ve been longtime residents of the Bronx Zoo, are in fact happy. But the City Council, apparently having solved the problems of the humans of New York, has moved on to pachyderms and now chews on a bill that would force the two to leave the Bronx by setting a minimum habitat for the creatures of 15 acres.

Anyone who still defends the wanton slaughter of elephants for their ivory is cruel. Anyone who wants to keep them in cages or insists on their participation in circuses is, frankly, a dumbo. They’re not here for our entertainment; they’re sentient and intelligent creatures that deserve decent treatment.

But as the state’s highest court has made clear, elephants, chimpanzees and dolphins do not have habeas corpus rights — sorry, those are just for humans! — and this particular zoo is run by professionals who care about animals and spend their waking lives trying to get others to do the same. They’ve been tending to Patty and Happy for decades and have already announced that they will be the last elephants to live there.

It may make Councilwoman Shahana Hanif feel good to sever those relationships and force these two souls onto trucks to head to a sanctuary somewhere, but moving 17,000 pounds of elephant to a sanctuary is no small task. It is immensely complex for people and stressful for the creatures.

Perhaps Happy and Patty would deem it all worth it upon their arrival at a sanctuary where they have a bit more room to roam, but we can’t ask them about the tradeoffs. Nor can we ask the Bronx Zoo’s gorillas whether they think they deserve freedom, if that’s what you want to call it, first.

Meantime, thousands upon thousands of other smart mammals that happen to be called livestock live and die in the five boroughs. By some measures, pigs are smarter than elephants. Does the City Council wish to set all the Babes, Wilburs and Porkys free?