WHEN CUPID CAN’T HIDE
Web dating 2.0 erases anonymity, asks for real ID, age, job — and even references
WHEN Lesley Workman decided to meet up with a prospective Romeo from OkCupid, the 30something Internet entrepreneur noticed something wrong on first sight. “He looked at least 10 years older than his profile picture,” she says.
It’s become a loathsome part of the dating process. You spot an online cutie, develop some excellent chat banter and arrange an IRL (“in real life”) meeting with Angel214 or Casanova2012 only to be disappointed by what can most generously be called “discrepancies” in their profiles.
To combat the outright lies and occasional untruths, new sites Mirror.co and theComplete.me, both of which launched in March, seek to move online dating into a new era — one in which anonymity is over.
The sites don’t just encourage complete transparency; they mandate it. Sign up for NYCbased Mirror and you’re not only asked for an email but also a phone number for doubleblind text messaging with potential dates.
“It’s harder to put down a fake number,” says Dan Mattio, cofounder of Mirror, which has more than 25,000 users. “We’re trying to move beyond the creepy.”
Mirror also establishes credibility with “takes,” a digital version of vouching for friends, family members and even exes. While most of them are positive, many do point out the user’s foibles, such as “She’s the type to get her friends wasted” or the less damning “She can’t live without quinoa.” Manhattanite Bari Greenstein, 29, turned to Mirror after an IRL encounter with a guy from JDate. He took her to a Dave Matthews Band concert, but spent more of the night draining beers. Greenstein wound up helping him find his way home. “Maybe if he had a take from a friend who said, ‘Cap him at two beers,’ I would have been better prepared,” she says.
After her runin with the Dorian Graylike dude, Workman joined theComplete.me. Since then, she’s ignored her OkCupid account because the site’s users share interests and other information via verified Facebook accounts.
“The goal is to mimic the way singles meet when they’re not in front of the computer,” says Brian Bowman, founder and CEO of theComplete.me. It also allows daters to weed out unwanted advances, like philanderers looking for a covert fling.
“We tell people, if you want to sign up for our site, change your “Married” status on Facebook, and we can make that happen,” Bowman says.
Workman nixed one suitor whose true personality was revealed via Facebook. He “uploaded a photo of a girl in a Gstring bikini on a bike on his profile,” she says. “That extra information is why I had no interest in entertaining a conversation with him.”
NYU senior Dana Cohen, 21, even used Mirror to educate a prospect she met offline. She sent him to the site to read the 16 takes her friends had posted.
“He was able to see what my friends said about me without [having] to meet [them],” says Cohen, whose current crush asked not to be identified. “He saw a different side of me through their takes.” Cohen says he agreed with almost all of the takes.
Julie Spira, selfproclaimed cyberdating expert and author of the book “The Perils of Cyberdating” says sites like these are likely to become the new Internet standard for love seekers.
“People want to verify now,” says Spira, who coaches singles and even writes profiles for her clients. “The next generation of people dating online are looking for a real connection.”
That includes your real name and maybe a couple of references from your real friends.