Good ‘Humour’

“Did you guys hear? It finally happened! Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby boy! Yep, the baby weighed about 8 pounds, then Americans were like, ‘How much is that in dollars?’ ”

—JimmyFallon

“Folks, with all the depressing stories out there that I have to report night after night, it is refreshing once in a while to be able to tell you the uplifting story that the idle rich can procreate.”

—StephenColbert

“That’s right, Kate Middleton went into labor this morning in London. When the rest of the royal family heard, they were like, ‘Oh, my God — what’s ‘labor’?’ ”

—JimmyFallon

“Welcome to the program, ladies and gentlemen, I’m Dave Letterman. Or, as the staff likes to call me, the royal baby.”

—DavidLetterman

“Can you believe the media coverage? You’d think it was Kim Kardashian and Kanye West having the kid. It was unbelievable.”

—JayLeno

“I’ve been reading a lot about this royal baby. Experts say there is a good chance that this kid could be toilet trained before Justin Bieber.”

—JayLeno

“Congratulations to Kate Middleton and Prince William. They’re the proud parents of a brand-new baby boy. This really is big, big news. I mean, if the year was 1250, then it would be big news.”

—DavidLetterman