Drunk ’n’ Dry

J AY Casey, a 34-year-old production assistant, considers himself a pretty regular drinker— on any given night, he estimates he might have five drinks. But when it comes to dating, he’s more than happy to go out with teetotalers.

“I get more drowsy when I drink,” explains the Greenpoint resident, making it harder for him to focus. He recalls one especially great first date three years ago— which led to several further get-togethers— witha girl who didn’t tipple: “Itwas really positive, because she was very upbeat.”

He doesn’t drink when his dates don’t (he doesn’t want them to feel self-conscious), so there’s “noworry of having had too much”— a concern that, for him, can negate the unwinding effects of alcohol.

Casey’s perspective might be a welcome one for New Yorkers trying to cut back on their drinking— while still maintaining their romantic relationships — in the new year. But how does one date if you can’t meet for drinks? Before she got married, Lisa Steffey, a visualeffects artist from Prospect-Lefferts Gardens who doesn’t imbibe, used to fill a wine glass with vino, occasionally lifting it as though she were going to take a sip.

“Before that, when people asked why I wasn’t drinking, Iwas very forthright about it,” says Steffey, 37. “I thought I should fight the perception that you must drink to have fun, but eventually you get tired of having that conversation.”

And even though her husband drinks, he doesn’t think you need alcohol to have a good time. The pair met atwork on a film set, and he asked her out for drinks. She gracefully side-stepped the issue by suggesting amovie instead, telling him she wasn’t “into the bar scene”— and he never asked her to a bar again.

“I think [my not drinking] was a selling point, actually, because he was trying to cut back himself,” says Steffey. Instead of going out boozing together, “we focused on more substantial things we had in common.” Others, however, have a harder timeon the dating scene. Leora Israel, a nondrinking potter, says her significant other was a bit more hesitant to date a teetotaler. After the two met on OK Cupid, he asked her to meet him for a beer. Israel suggested a hot chocolate instead, andhe accepted— but he later told her he was initially weirded out by her sobriety. “[It] gave him hesitation about pursuing a relationship,” says the 31-year-old Chelsea resident, citing his concerns about their social life being stunted.

While it worked out— the pair have been dating for a year— Israel says the fact that she doesn’t drink is still a challenge once in a while. “His favorite activity is hanging out at bars and going to concerts, where he likes to drink,” she explains.

Randi Newton, a certified sober coach who works with recovering addicts to help them stay clean, says handling romance is a concern for many people who want to ditch the bottle. “I worried that I would be viewed as not fun, since I was sober,” says Newton. “But to you sober people: I promise you’re not the only one with that concern, and it’s normal.”

Newton’s married to a similarly sober man— though they happily watched guests sip Champagne at their wedding— and says a benefit of not drinking is the clarity of knowing what youwill and will not put up with in a relationship. “If I met someonewho judged me for being open aboutmy sobriety, I knew that was not an ideal match,” she says. “You are still fun, if not more fun than ever.”