Wake Up, de Lazy- o

AS Mayor de Blasio lay on the beaches of Puerto Rico last weekend with his wife Chirlane, he must have been muttering to himself, “Life is good for me, Bill de Blasio.”

But the city is dealing with some serious issues that need serious attention. So, Mr. Mayor — let me give you some free advice.

You have turned what is sometimes called the secondtoughest job in America into a parttime, Rip Van Winkle mayoralty. You’re late for parades and meetings and even important emotional moments, like the commemoration of a downed plane.

At times it seems as if you’re back in your dorm at NYU, and that you’ve smoked a fatty of Hindu Kush that put you in a druginduced sleep.

You dream of going to Iowa and Nebraska where there are more pigs than people, and less than a year and a half into your parttime mayoralty, you announce your reelection plans for a second term. Wassup with that?

Fact is, you’ve treated your position as mayor as you did your fake, fraudulent, fugazi position of public advocate, when youwere a person of no consequence. If you showed up late or were MIA, who cared? The city never lost a beat.

But now, as mayor, the stakes are high.

Start with murders and shootings. They’re up this year. At the same time, Uzbek Beastie Boys and “bad bitches” are pledging themselves to ISIS. And yet you stubbornly keep your eyes and ears shut, even as the cries for more cops grow louder. Your police commissioner, Bill Bratton, is going to the mat with you on this one. He’s been joined by many of the 51 deadbeats of the City Council.

This is a wakeup call, given that it’s coming from people who are normally your toadies.

Recently The Post reported you don’t work some mornings. One Wednesday, with SUVs in tow, you left Gracie Mansion at 9 a. m. and traveled to the Prospect Park YMCA — to mount an exercise bike for all of 15 minutes.

If you’re going to be a parttime mayor, maybe at least you can multitask. For instance, the next time you want a morning workout, you and your mayoral posse could head to Brownsville, Brooklyn, where there are 18 New York City Housing Authority developments, most of them highrise.

Why not join NYPD cops and do a few verticals in the stairwells? Along with getting cardio conditioning, you’ll be able to bond with your cops ( who you’ve been at odds with) and tenants, who’ll give you an earful about young thugs hanging out in the stairwells drinking, making noise and terrorizing residents.

And don’t stop there. On your way back to City Hall, you can visit Franklin K. Lane HS in East New York. Prepare to be ridiculed by young adults who now taunt teachers, principals and safety officers because you and Chancellor Fariña have weakened the standards for discipline in the schools.

One visit to Franklin K. Lane is all it would take to make you a True Believer in Eva Moskowitz’s charter schools.

Then make your way back to Manhattan up the Jackie Robinson Parkway and Woodhaven Boulevard. There you’ll see potholes that have grown into lunar craters. The sides of the roads are littered with the parts of cars that have been dislodged along theway. And there’s not a Department of Transportation repair crewin sight.

At Queens Boulevard, hop onto the E train toward the World Trade Center. As you move from car to car, say hello to the armies of homeless people— smelly, unkempt and babbling to themselves as they suffer through bouts of mental illness. Workingclass people who ( unlike some of us) get up early to go to work have to deal with this every day.

Finally, you’ll emerge with your mayoral posse in tow blocks from City Hall. When you get there, you can spend the rest of your half day of work on the phones shaking down contributors for their moolah-shmoolah so that you can run for a second term.

But here’s the bottom line, Mr. Mayor: If you don’t get your mind in the game and take care of the city and its problems, no amount of campaign money is going to help you — whether it’s a second term or the presidency you seek.

The 83 percent of New York voters who did not vote for you probably don’t care about that. But everyone cares about the city.

High times at City Hall? Mayor de Blasio pretended to smoke pot at the recent Inner Circle show, but sometimes it seems like he actually indulges— even as he ignores a range of growing problems throughout the city.