Scary PoPPinS
Beach houses, chauffeured rides and sushi lunches are among the diva demands made by nannies who care for the kids of well- heeled New Yorkers
HEN Upper East Side real- estate agent Rachel Koenig was screening nannies for her 2- week- old son, Alexander, she assumed she’d be the one asking the questions. So shewas taken a back when awould- be employee raised the topic of a secondhome less than five minutes into the interview.
“Do you have a house in the Hamptons and, if so, do you own or rent?” inquired the nanny, bluntly. “She clearly wanted to knowif the house was at her disposal year- round,” says 43-year- oldKoenig, who works full time for Douglas Elliman.
The nanny’s face lit up when Koenig replied that the family did rent property in Southampton— but instantly fell when she explained theywere skipping the upcoming season because of the baby’s age.
“I expect she’s nowworking for a household on Fifth or Park Avenue,” laughs Koenig, reflecting on the December 2013 conversation. “It showed just how much the diva mentality has filtered into theway nannies behave.” Manhattan and Long Island employment attorney Andrew S. Goodstadt, who has represented a number of New York families being sued by their child- care workers, has seen lawsuits by nannies increase by an astonishing 100 percent over the past three years.
According to the New York Domestic Workers’ Bill of Rights, nannies working more than 40 hours per week are entitled to overtime paid at time and a half.
But demands and perks can go well beyond what’s required by law. Reliable nannies are at such a premium in both the city and suburbs, they nowhave the leverage to issue demands you’d expect froman A- list star, not hired help— bagging gym memberships, sushi lunches or Uber service backhome. “Some families love their nannies so much, they will do anything to keep them,” says Lisa DeRienzo, founder and CEO of Westchester- based child- care agency A Smart Nanny. “They’ll buy them country club memberships to use with their friends onweekends and lend them credit cards.” That’s on top of pay that averages $ 15.79 per hour, according tothe Park Slope Parents’ Nanny Compensation Study of 2013. The majority of nannies also received raises, bonuses and an average of 19 paid days off each year, with only 15percent of employees paid on the books, the report also says. ( Those salary numbers can skyrocket to six figures annually in überwealthy neighborhoods, such as the Upper East Side, say experts.)
According to Upper East Sider Danielle, who asked The Post not to publish her last name for professional reasons, hiring an anny was “by far the hardest part” of her “motherhood journey.”
Shewas shocked when her new employee quit on her very first day. The issue? Whether or not lunch money was supplied. The family had already agreed to pay for her monthly Metro Card and a set number of paid holidays
and vacation time— but had told her a lunch stipend on top of her $ 17- an- hour salary wasn’t part of the deal.
“First she arrived 30minutes late, whichwas abad sign,” recalls Danielle of the argument, which happened last fall when her babywas 2 months old, on the day Danielle was returning towork after maternity leave.
“She just stood in the doorway, without taking off her coat, saying that the lunchstipend had‘ become an issue’ and she needed an extra $ 70 perweek because that’s what other families paid.
“I felt totally taken advantage of because Iwas in this vulnerable position, about to go back towork and leaving my baby in the care of a stranger. I didn’t knowwhat to say.”
Danielle’s husband happened to be home, sohe suggested the nanny “take a walk” so they could discuss it.
“It felt like we were dealing with themafia,” recalls Danielle. “She knew we needed her more than she needed us.”
Refusing to give in, the duo called the nanny and stuck to their guns. Ten minutes later, she sent a textmessage saying she quit.
“She must have had a better offer,” says Danielle, explaining that she can’t compete against rich employers who throwin expensive gifts, foreign vacations and other perks such as the loan of jewelry or use of top- of- the- range cars like Escalades. “The parent- nanny relationship is an extremely delicate one and these are difficult waters to navigate.”
The sea is choppy for nannies, too. Many claim they’re the ones being exploited. Barbara Young, a national organizer for the National Domestic Workers Alliance, told The Post that child- careemployees are often de valued.
“The weekly wage of many nannies in New York is less than what someof these employers would spend on a pair of shoes,” she says. “We are invaluable to families because we allow the parents to go out towork, and basically run the whole household.”
As for diva demands, she says the vast majority of nannies don’t make them. “Most nannies are just asking for fair pay,” she concludes.
One cautionary tale of a parent- nanny relationship gone bad involves a single mother from Hoboken, NJ. The46- year- old businesswoman, who asked that her name not be used in case of reprisals, received a list of proposals fromthe nanny to whom she’d entrusted her son for almost a year.
“Iwas literally walking out of the door to go on a business trip,” says the entrepreneur, whowas already feeling guilty about leaving her 1- year- old son for an extended trip four years ago. “My nanny handed me a hand written note and toldme to wait until Iwas on the plane to read it.”
Needless to say, she opened it inthe taxi. “You know I love your son and I adore working for you,” it read. “But here are somethings Iwould like to talk to you about ...” Among the demands were five more personal days ( in addition to the two- week vacation, three personal days, and bank, Christian and Jewish holidays she already received), plus a payment of $ 7,000 to cover back pay for overtime.
“I went ballistic,” shere calls. “She knew I was going on an important business trip and waited to drop the bombshell. Itwas deceitful, cruel and ... manipulative.”
Turns out the nanny was within her rights by asking for back pay and the business woman did payup— but therewas a loss of trust. She “let go” of the nanny a few months later and sent her son to day care.
“Most nanny relationships fail after a buildup of small issues that explode into something beyond repair,” says Holly Flanders, CEO of Choice Parenting consulting.
“Parents just don’t know what to discuss during the hiring process and [ while] negotiating the nanny’s contract,” she adds.
“They’re confused by the overtime rules and complex tax situation.
“However, there are some very entitled and borderline crazy nannies out there, and parents need to be cautious.”
Another Manhattan mom of one, who runs a consultancy business and asked that her name not be used for privacy reasons, is still reeling froma fracas in the Hamptons in the summer of 2010.
“Things hadbeen going well until we went out to the Hamptons and she saw we had a pool and assumed we had lots of cash to spare,” says the 42-year- oldmom, whose nanny was midway through a three- week trial. “Then she didn’t showup forwork for a fewdays because therewas some drama in her life.”
The final straw came when the nanny asked that the woman’s husband pay her $ 1,000 for the upcoming week. Itwas Monday, and she had just informed them she wouldn’t be able towork Labor Day weekend, which had been part of the deal when shewas given the trial.
“Shewas saying: ‘ Getme mymoney!’ even though my husband gave her a partial salary in advance,” says the Manhattan mom. “She was screaming profanities in front ofmy 6- week- old daughter.”
The brouhaha ended when the enraged nanny called 911 and a pair of East Hampton cops arrived on the doorstep.
“Shewas on our property, so the police officers told her she needed to leave,” the momsays. Screaming and shouting, the disgruntled nanny was taken away in the police car and escorted to the railway station.
The irate former employee later tried to sue the couple for an extra $ 600 she claimed shewas owed, but the case was dismissed in Small Claims Court.
“It was an absolute nightmare,” concludes the mom, whose daughter is now5 and in kindergarten. “Toomany nannies will say anything to get the job but, as soon as you’ve employed them, they start behaving like divas.
“They’ve got you bythe throat.”
There are some enTiTled and borderlinecrazy nannies ouT There.”
— holly flanders, nanny consultant