TOTAL TURN-OFF
Do you love ‘ the Bachelor’— and he just wants to watch football? you’re not alone
W HEN Megan Zilis comes back to her West Village apartment after work, she just wants to unwind with a few episodes of the comedy show “Garfunkel and Oates.” Unfortunately, her live-in boyfriend isn’t as keen on the show as she is — and that’s a bummer.
“It can be a bit of a letdown,” says the 32-year-old who works in finance, “when you’re really into something and want to share this great thing you’ve just found and it just doesn’t resonate with your partner.”
At a time when cable, Netflix, Roku, Hulu and Amazon offer an unprecedented range of show choices, it’s easy to find that you love your significant other — but hate their taste in television. Psychotherapist Meg Batterson, who works with couples having relationship difficulties, says that for some people, different tastes in TV can be a real issue. “If someone is upset their significant other doesn’t like their show,” she says, “they may actually be concerned they are too different in those areas and not compatible.”
Indeed, it’s even enough to drive some people out of the house. Robert Schwartz, a 42-year-old writer who works from his Boerum Hill home, says, “The shows [my wife] loves which I don’t — like ‘Game of Thrones,’ ‘Once Upon a Time,’ ‘Chopped’ and other Food Network shows — are overflowing out of the DVR.” Accordingly, on the weekend, he hands his wife the remote and leaves the apartment for long stretches — her TV time is his time to hit the gym, go for a bike ride or simply stroll around the neighborhood. He says it’s necessary “to keep peace in the family.”
Andrea Syrtash, the author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing),” says watching TV separately is totally fine. “If your husband hates ‘The Bachelor,’ ” she says, “why would you subject him to two hours of his life he can never get back?”
Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis adds that the shows people watch matter far less than their general views toward TV. “I would not match a couch potato with someone who watches TV once a week,” she says. One partner’s relaxed attitude might drive the go-getter crazy.
And she says differing preferences can be easily solved — for example, instead of leaving the apartment, one member of the couple could purchase an iPad and some headphones.
If you do want to have some cuddle time on the couch with your sweetie and can’t find any shows you agree on, Syrtash says to offer to massage his shoulders or rub her head during the show — it may even translate to sparks in the bedroom. “Touching each other releases oxytocin,” she says, “which will help you feel more connected to each other . . . even during a bad TV show!”
The real problem might be when you and your partner love the same show. Zilis says that for shows she and her boyfriend both enjoy, “[He] isn’t allowed to watch any of them without me!” She explains that her boyfriend’s idea of a fun joke is to tell her he watched an episode of “Suits” or “Inside-Amy Schumer” without her, and then watch her implode.
“I’m not saying I’d throw him into a pit of lava if he watched without me,” she says. “But I’m not not saying that.”