A (turkey) day in the life
OK, let’s talk turkey. Before decorating our currency, before Benjamins meant bucks, back when he was just plain Benny to the gang, Ben Franklin wanted the turkey as our national bird. However, experimenting with electricity, Big Ben himself actually singed several live 10pound toms . . . so, now, start your festivities by giving thanks for my serving you this unknown tasty.
This Thursday brings talk of moms. Clint Eastwood: “I’ve had good holidays and bad. Over the years I went to Monterey to my mother” ... Alfonse D’Amato: “My mom always added chicken
soup to the menu” ... Roger Clinton: “Tough since mom went. My brother has left the room because he starts crying when he thinks of it. Bill and I will maybe have a good cry together.”
Christy Turlington Burns: “I had a timing problem. My sweet potatoes were undercooked. Better to let Mom do it” ... Téa
Leoni’s best was Mama doing grits, cheese and a whole barbecued pig. Plymouth Rock Texasstyle.
There exist those whose grateful thankful prayerful thoughts go with A1 eating. I.M.
Pei’s wife puts out roast loin of pork . . .
Jacqueline Bisset, into health foods, stuffs her bird with carrots . . . Loretta
Swit, not into health foods, likes Polishstyle sausage and spices.
Back in the day
JOHN and Priscilla Alden and the early Americans loved our blessed country, best nation in the whole damn world, greatest land on Earth, and 1631ish, in the USA, had Yankeestyle’s first Thanksgiving dinner. Fresh off the Mayflower, they went ashore at Provincetown, Mass., but only stayed a month. Why, I don’t know. I only came a few weeks later. Strangers to the Plymouth Rock ’hood — mi nus SubZero fridges, Viking stoves, French presses, and Maytag repairmen, they still fed their native American guests spitroasted wild turkey, cornbread, venison stew, baked oysters plus pumpkin.
Oy, did that beat a long ago Thanksgiving when I ended up in Kabul, Afghanistan. Forget sweet potato pie and homemade cranberry sauce. We’re talking a feast of roomtemperature pulao rice. Side dish? Beans.
Watch your waist
WHAT’S nonfattening: Not the deli standby of pastrami on rye with coleslaw or some dumb kid’s drumstick and marshmallow on a Frisbee. Remember: If nobody sees you gorging, the quantity has no calories. Eat thirds? The cholesterol doesn’t count. Cookie pieces have no caloric intake. Peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich, ice cream on a spoon from making a sundae? Things licked off utensils do not add up. Late late snack: Whole frozen cheesecake inhaled directly from freezer? Lotsa luck. FOR politicians: Give the bird to
Bernie Socialist. Dean Skelos’ goose was already cooked. Chris Christie is a living 400pound ham. And Albany’s main dish? Many a rep puts his foot in his mouth. Obama? 2015’s biggest turkey. More than a turkey. Actually fowl. He’s also a chicken. Hillary: “I’m going to try and change my image. While the whole world knows me, nobody knows what I personally am about. What I, personally, am really. Public persona, they know. Private lady, they don’t know. I plan to fix that.” This was told to me in 1994.
Have a safe and delicious Thanksgiving. See you Monday.