HOLIDAY BETTOR’S GUIDE SPECIAL
FORECASTING ALL THE NFL ACTION AND THE BIG COLLEGE GAMES
IT’S TIME for Hondo’s annual Thanksgiving feast, a day when residents of HondoNation are called to gather ’round the table and, while eschewing talk of his record, gnaw on his bountiful servings of savory treats, starting with:
Eagles over Lions: What better way to kick off the holiday than with these two turkeys? Slight edge to the Birds, who still could get a leg up on the NFC East.
Panthers over Cowboys: Mr. Aitch will be dabbing along with Cam if Carolina gets to 110.
Bears over Packers: Hondo would be most grateful if Green Bay’s Thursday night weather forecast — 100 percent chance of rain or snow — is accurate. Bad weather keeps the scoring down, which helps big ’dogs keep it close. That’s straight from the “Elements of Handicapping.”
Giants over Redskins: You don’t want to be facing Tom Coughlin after he has had two weeks to prepare. That extra week could be just what he needed to remember how to close out a game, assuming he managed his time properly.
Dolphins over Jets: The line is a tad lofty for a team with an unsolvable QB problem, an AWOL running game, an overpriced and underperforming secondary, and a greasyfingered rookie wide receiver/return man. Factor in a rookie head coach who has been getting burned periodically during his baptism by fire, and at the very least it looks like a cover story for the Fish.
Saints over Texans: Have to go with the Saints because of their huge upgrade at defensive coordinator. Who is it? Who cares! Sean Payton had to make the change because he could no longer stomach watching Rob Ryan’s defense give up 31.5 points per game.
Vikings over Falcons: The Hillary Clinton campaign tweeted out her support for victims of sexual crimes: “Every survivor of sexual assault deserves to be heard, believed, and supported. We’re here with you.” However, in Hillary World, there are exceptions to that dictum. For example, if you are one of several women who have accused a former southern governorturnedPresident of sexual offenses, then you should never be heard.
Emailer Siciliano, aka The Bronx Bomber, wonders if Obama, instead of offering the traditional pardon for the turkey, should have pardoned Hillary.
Rams over Bengals: Charlie Sheen reportedly was caught on video performing oral sex on a man in 2011. That could explain why he was so desperate to land a role in “Eight Men Out.”
Buccaneers over Colts: John Jay College has joined the list of universities that have rescinded honorary degrees given to Bill Cosby. However, points out emailer Donny Mac, several pharmacology schools are considering granting Cosby
an honorary doctorate for his tireless and diligent experimentation with daterape drugs.
Raiders over Titans: Al “The Pantload” Roker filed a complaint about a cab driver who recently passed him up for a white fare. In fairness to the cabbie, it may not have been racial; he may have been concerned that Al’s drawers were fully loaded and didn’t want him stinking up the car.
Chiefs over Bills: It’s usually a fairly good indication the officials are having a horrendous night when they have as many huddles as the teams, which was the case with referee Gene Steratore’s crew in Monday night’s PatsBills game. Keep up the good work, Roger.
By the way, in case you are into countdowns, there are only a little more than three months until opening arguments are scheduled to be heard in Goodell’s inane Deflategate appeal. Keep up the good work, Roger.
Jaguars over Chargers: San Diego doesn’t want to do anything foolish in its race to the bottom for the No. 1 pick.
Cardinals over 49ers: Emauler Ed Buckmir on Donald Trump’s disputed claim he saw videotape of thousands of Muslims celebrating on rooftops in Jersey City on 9/11: There’s only one way to determine if Trump is telling the truth, and that’s by getting corroboration from Brian Williams.
Steelers over Seahawks: Speaking of Lyin’ Brian, the RS MSNBC (RatingsStarved MSNBC) breaking news anchor says he will be rooting hard for the Steelers, as usual, explaining there is an unbreakable bond there from when he won four rings as starter on the great Pittsburgh teams of the ’70s. In fact, Brian claims he helped get the dynasty going by using his contacts to arrange for Franco Harris’ Immaculate Reception.
Broncos over Patriots: It’s the big Brady vs. Osweiler matchup. With Julian Edelman and Dion Lewis out, and Danny Amendola and Aaron Dobson iffy, the Pats are rapidly running out of weapons, which will make it easy for the Broncos’ D to key on Gronk. Add in Tommy Terrific’s 24 lifetime record in Denver and the generosity of Larry Linemaker, and savvy Broncos backers will have a good reason to be thankful Sunday night.
Browns over Ravens: Cleveland coach Mike Pettine wisely has opted to start Josh McCown over Johnny Manziel, who was demoted to third string after there were reports he went on a twoday bender during the Browns’ bye week. Word is Champagne Johnny wasn’t all that upset about it; the games cut into his drinking time.
BEST BETS: Panthers, Chiefs, Broncos.
Happy Thanksgiving to all in HondoNation.