nfl weekend bet tor’s guide
OH, COME all ye Hondo Nation faithful. Joyful and triumphant Hondo is presenting his annual Christmas extravaganza, so curl up with your Post or handheld device, turn on the Yule Log, which you no doubt have DVR’d, and immerse yourself in the savvy submissions of not only the Best Bet leader, but also the hottest man in the Bettor’s Guide (30/124, respectively, in Week 15).
Raiders over Chargers: ’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the game, not a creature was watching, because both teams are so lame.
Redskins over Eagles: Odell Beckham Jr.’s absence from the Giants’ lineup will be rendered meaningless after the ’Skins bully their way past Sam “The Sham” Bradford.
Jets over Patriots: Fitz and friends are fighting for their playoff lives, while the Pats are playing for home field throughout the playoffs, which, if necessary, they can just as easily clinch next week against the foul Fish.
Vikings over Giants: Tom Coughlin said he didn’t see the brutal headhunting shot by Odell Beckham Jr. until Monday and also wasn’t aware of his three personal fouls. So what exactly was he watching on Sunday? Either he’s not being truthful and simply ignored all the mayhem because he’s afraid to take on Beckham, or he was totally out of touch with the game. Both scenarios warrant Tommy TightButt being fitted for a pink slip.
From Hondo Nation So Be Bureau Chief Barking Mut: Coughlin who usually has acted like a General Patton when it came to discipline, looked more like a Sgt. Bergdahl last Sunday when he seemed AWOL while Beckham was making a complete fool of himself.
Texans over Titans: Emailer Donny Mac on Obama releasing thousands of inmates from federal prisons: And this time we are not even getting a deserter back in return! Expect to see Susan Rice on the Sunday talk shows declaring: “These prisoners served their term with honor and distinction.”
Chiefs over Browns: Another from BarkingMut: Audiences will be able to relate to the Christmas release of “Concussion,” since they will be suffering with migraines galore from the mall crush, hangovers, fighting for parking spaces, screaming kids, drunk relatives, holiday traffic, and getting their first look at their astronomical creditcard shopping bills.
Dolphins over Colts: More ’Crats than Repubs believe in Santa Claus, according to a survey. That’s probably because of Speaker of the House Paul Ryan’s generosity in the recent $1.1 trillion budget deal. Ryan rolled over for Obama and the Democrats the way Obama rolled over for Iran on the nuke deal.
In other Obama news, AP named ISIS as its Story of the Year, which is quite an honor for the JV team.
Lions over 49ers: Governor Cuomo has no intention of giving back the $1.2 million he re ceived from Glenwood Management, the real estate company involved in the Albany corruption scandals. No surprise there — Cuomo proved when he dismantled the Moreland Commission he has no concern about the appearance of impropriety.
Cowboys over Bills: Emailer Scott C. writes: It’s safe to assume that if Miss Universe host Steve Harvey was the third person in the ring a few weeks ago, he would have raised Ronda Rousey’s arm. … BarkingMut claims Harvey wants to congratulate the 2015 World Champion Mets, Serena Williams for her grandslam clinching victory at the U.S. Open, and Buzz Aldrin for being the first man to walk on the moon.
Buccaneers over Bears: There was another recent outbreak of E. coli at Chipotle restaurants in Kansas, North Dakota and Oklahoma. As a result, the company’s founder and CEO (Chief E. coli Officer), Steve “The Big Queasy” Ells, has ordered additional toilets be installed at all franchises to meet the intense demand.
Panthers over Falcons: Carolina not only can clinch home field with a win, but also can delay the annual celebration by the haters from the ’ 72 Dolphins for at least another week.
Steelers over Ravens: A commission has approved pay raises for city officials, including Mayor de Blasio. Apparently, the way it works here is if murders are up, homelessness is up, STDs are up and gradefixing is up, salaries go up as well.
Jaguars over Saints: According to Language Sciences journal, people who use foul language have better vocabularies. So that’s why Donald Trump said Hillary Clinton was “schlonged” in the 2008 presidential primary; he wasn’t being vulgar, he merely was showing off how linguistically strong he is.
Rams over Seahawks: FOX News will host the Republican debate on Jan. 28. Trump, who after the first debate accused Megyn Kelly of having “blood coming out of her eyes … blood coming out of her wherever,” seems resigned to having her back for Round 2, telling FOX: If you like your female moderator, you can keep your female moderator. Period.
Cardinals over Packers: Fresh off their disgraceful seeno evil performance at MetLife Stadium, referee Terry McAulay and his crew will be casually observing this game, so count on a complete freeforall.
Broncos over Bengals: From emauler Ed Buckmir: Rumors abound that Peyton Manning put his injured foot down and refuses to be the backup QB. There might be strength in his conviction, but Broncos fans would prefer strength in his throwing arm.
Peyton downplays the importance of a weak wing in his latest Nationwide jingle: Arm strength isn’t everything.
BEST BETS: Redskins, Steelers, Broncos.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a profitable week.