Hey Steve! Here’s the nice way to keep co-workers from bugging you
Last week, television host Steve Harvey demonstrated the wrong way to set boundaries in the workplace.
In a staff memo leaked to the press, Harvey wrote, “Do not come to my dressing room unless invited . . . Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly.”
Naturally, his demands were derided. Although he mostly stands by them — “I’m getting ambushed,” he told “Entertainment Tonight” — he did concede, “I probably should have handled it a little bit differently.”
Here, experts offer ideas for better ways to set healthy boundaries with colleagues.
Don’t stew
If something’s bothering you, speak up quickly, says Melody Wilding, a career counselor and professor in human behavior at CUNY Hunter College. “Harvey’s memo is what happens when you let people step over your boundaries. It gets to a point where you lash out.”
Be crystal clear
Make sure you’re asking for exactly what you need, says Wilding. “There’s a big difference between ‘I would prefer not to have Friday afternoon meetings’ and ‘I will not take Friday meetings anymore,’ ” she says.
Talk it out
A note won’t cut it here, says Joel Mausner, a psychologist who specializes in workplace conflict resolution: “People can read all sorts of things between the lines of an e-mail.”
Find common ground
If you can get your colleague to relate to your problem — and avoid playing the blame game — you’ll have better luck, says Mausner. Say something like: “I’m having trouble focusing when I get interrupted so frequently. It’s making it hard for me to accomplish my work. Do you ever struggle with that? Would you be willing to work with me on this?”
Create a new system
“One of my clients has about 30 different Post-it notes with different phrases, and sticks up the appropriate one [on her cubicle], so people know what she’s working on and if she’s free to talk,” says Brandon Smith, a professor at Emory University who calls himself the Workplace Therapist. If you’re trying to save on paper, there’s always the simple route, he says. Headphones on means “not now.”