Who will recognize Oscar?
THE Oscars are coming up. No more February. Now almost May. But so what and who cares and why? Nobody’s seen nothing no place. They’re coming up for what? The last flick anybody saw in a movie theater starred Shirley Temple.
Some predictions op called GoldDerby — about which who knows or cares or who even heard — picked a dozen frontrunners. How this is possible no one knows. Probably they don’t even know.
“Hillbilly Elegy” is about Appalachia. Amy Adams and Glenn Close are set for it. Anthony Hopkins is “The Father.” Olivia Colman’s in that. Another, which rhymes with rank and stank, is the drama “Mank.” There’s “News of the World” with Tom Hanks reading headlines. Bradley Cooper is going down something called “Nightmare Alley.” Guillermo del Toro’s directing him. And with nobody knowing nothing about nada, we may all follow him down said alley.
Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan are in love in 1840s England. That’s called “Ammonite.” Isn’t that also a highblood-pressure medicine? Ask your doctor.
In “Stillwater,” Matt Damon goes to France. His daughter, played by Abigail Breslin, is accused of murder. Meryl Streep is going to “The Prom.” Maybe as a chaperone?
Joaquin Phoenix isan artist with a nephew in “C’mon, C’mon.”
That’s a title? C’mon.
Michelle Pfeiffer’s taking the “French Exit.” Evan Rachel Wood plays someone rich in “Kajillionaire.” Sandra Bullock is “Unforgiven.” For what, whothehell knows. Maybe stealing Clint Eastwood’s title. Sophia Loren’s looking to “The Life Ahead.” Sophia Loren???
Bill Murray is “On the Rocks.”
Jennifer Lawrence is treading “Red, White and Water.” Jamie Foxx and Tina Fey’s voices have “Soul.”
I wish us all lotsa luck. I don’t know these films. I don’t know what GoldDerby is. I don’t know why my dog just peed in my living room.