It’s really an animal house
FORGET the country’s gone to the dogs. The dogs have gone to the country, the city, even the capital.
Partly it’s COVID. Loneliness. The need to see another face, even if it’s a Great Dane’s. People are newly buying, adopting or baby-sitting a pet. Shrinks say caring for a creature relieves stress. Of 45 presidents, only Polk and Trump were animal-less. And Truman gave his away.
Who knows why? After tolerating his daughter Margaret’s lousy singing career, what’s another bark?
When Fala accidentally got left in the Aleutian Islands, FDR blew taxpayers’ thousands sending ships to “Get back my little Scotty.” . . . WHEN a Lab joined the Clintons’ cat they didn’t get along. Said Bill: “I did better with the Israelis and Palestinians than I’m doing with Socks and Buddy” ... TYLER owned an Italian greyhound . . . BENJAMIN Harrison had a collie named Dash. Also a goat.
Daddy George Bush had three dogs. Millie, his spaniel, begat son President George’s dog, Spot . . . JOHN Quincy Adams’ wife kept silkworms and for who thehell knows why spun their silk . . . ANDREW Jackson’s gray parrot, Polly, swore and got pulled from his funeral for squawking profanity.
Hung on Briards, Jefferson’s female, Buzzy, started a breeding program. French working dogs that go to 100 pounds, they were bred to defend against wolves and poachers. How they did with senators and reporters, this I don’t know . . . MUSCAT’S Said bin Sultan gave Van Buren two tiger cubs. They did not stay long . . . GRITS, Carter’s hound, snapped at White House visitors. He could smell a conservative.
Coolidge’s menagerie: 12 dogs, one bobcat, a goose, donkey, cat, two lion cubs, an antelope, a wallaby plus pygmy hippo, Billy. Coolidge was never a big speaker. Now we know why . . . THE father of our country was also the father of 30 foxhounds. Possible boozer Washington named some Drunkard, Tipler, Sweet Lips and Tipsy ... NIXON’S cocker spaniel, Checkers, became more popular than Nixon.