Age should bring wisdom
JOE Boredom and Nancy Pelousy made age the new “in.”
So now comes Steven Petrow, of the Washington Post’s “Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old: A Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong.” The title’s longer than the Kensington Press book, which claims studios love golden vets with silver hair.
Jean Smart (70 in September) is in HBO’s something or other, Jane Fonda (83), Ellen Burstyn (88), Liam Neeson (69), Helen Mirren (75), Morgan Freeman (84), Harrison Ford (78). Alan Arkin, 87 co-emoting with Michael Douglas (77 in September).
The book says to trade kitsch for kvetch. And go outside your same antique circle since intergenerational friendships improve well-being. Color your hair? Uh-uh. Inky black roots telegraphs “I’m desperate!” Only give it a shot if your colorist is as good as Diane Sawyer’s.
And forget your chorus of aches and pains. Limit health talk to one single cocktail.
Creaking along: Dolly Parton, 75; Patti Smith, 74; Bruce Springsteen, 72 come September; Mark Harmon, 70, Sept. 2; Jill Biden, 70; Martha Stewart, 80 in August; Mitt Romney, 74; Chuck Grassley, 87; Mitch McConnell, 79. Oy, Mitch.
And for all of us on our next birthday, maybe a colonoscopy.
I spy . . . Madge
WHERE you were last week, I don’t know. Where Madonna was, I know. She was enjoying Immersive Van Gogh at Pier 36 . . . I also know about Bette Midler. “The Rose,” a tale of the high price of fame, which starred her as a self-destructive rocker (and got her an Oscar nom), is being remade starring Cynthia Erivo.
Film fiasco
THE film “The Fortress 2” just wrapped filming in Puerto Rico. The elements were not kind to the cast of Bruce Willis, Shannen Doherty, “Desperate Housewives” Jesse Metcalfe and producer Randall Emmett, who’s about to marry Lala Kent of “Vanderpump Rules.” It was intermittent power outages on set and at their hotels. To make up for it, Noel Ashman, also celebrating his upcoming film “Baby and Max,” also celebrating a birthday, is also giving them a party Thursday at Noir.
Stray thoughts
ONE thought: Topping our historic year is our coming New York City election. Seems that for many voters it’s maybe not everyone’s pick — it’s not who we really really love — it’s dredging down to who we dislike the least . . . . AND a comment from one of our top NY restaurateurs: “They’re not spending like they used to. It’s different. They’re cheaper.”
FROM a weary dad: “When I finally get taken to my heavenly rest, I want my ashes scattered over Bloomingdale’s. This way, maybe I could be sure that at least twice a week my daughter will visit me.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.