X MARKS THE HOT
Trendy scarf top’s a flop in real life
Sometimes you have to go all in — even if you’re falling out. That’s what I told myself as I prepared to test out the biggest celebrity trend of summer 2021: the barely there crossed scarf top. Kylie Jenner, Bella Hadid and Emily Ratajkowski are all fans of the early-aughts throwback style popularized by Christina Aguilera in her 2002 “Dirrty” prime. But can an average, size 8, 22year-old pull it off ?
After scouring Google for options, I settled on a $22 version with a black-and-gold Versacestyle print from Mystique. More like a slippery bikini than a top, as I strapped it on, I felt some insecurity bubble up. I’m pretty confident, but I’m also no spray-tanned, perfectly toned supermodel. The shirt — if you can call it that — exposed every lump, bump and mark that I’m usually quick to cover up. My best friend and I had an action-packed day planned, starting with a trip on the LIRR into Manhattan. The first time a train hit a bump, I knew I was asking for trouble. This top was a nip slip waiting to happen. Thank God for my fast reflexes and a nearly empty train car.
Forty minutes later, we were outside Penn Station. I felt the wall of tourists, businessmen and buskers fix their eyes on me as I bared it all in the beating sun.
At 11 a.m., it felt too early to be wearing something so skimpy. Still, I pretended not to notice all the eyes glued to my sternum tattoo: a red butterfly that doesn’t typically see the light of day. I ignored the catcalls from construction workers and the snide comments from men sitting on curbs, snaking my way around ones who tried to approach me. “Your shirt” was all one downand-out-looking guy had to say as he held both his hands up mere inches from my chest. The sweat started dripping out of every pore in my body. Was it the 90-degree heat, the polyester blend or a panic attack? Pro tip: Silky scarf tops and sweat do not mix. For the next few hours, stopping to adjust my shirt was a regular occurrence.
After dodging thunderstorms and accidental indecent exposures, we found ourselves at Dumbo’s Time Out Market.
That’s when things turned around.
We joined the hordes of Brooklynites sheltering from the rain, and I discovered that, despite my stomach rolls being on display, the top started getting the right kind of attention, earning me compliments from tourists and New Yorkers alike.
“Your shirt is so cute,” one girl offered.
“I like your tattoo,” another enthusiastically shouted. “I want to get one just like it!”
Forget men — I can always count on women to boost my confidence and make me feel like a runway superstar despite my rainsoaked bangs and dripping jeans.
Ultimately, I can say that wearing a tiny top was pretty nice in a heat wave. But I’m convinced celebs tape their shirts to their chests. There’s no way they can go all day without a wardrobe malfunction — I would know.
And despite a few of my own sartorial mishaps, and some unwanted male attention, I think I’m going to keep the shirt. Maybe I’ll find a more appropriate place to wear it — like the beach, or a poolside soirée.
Until then, I’m ordering some fashion tape, just in case.