Denzel can do everything

DENZEL Washington’s earned nine Oscar noms, two Oscar wins, Golden Globes, Tonys, Obies, SAGs, NY Film Critics, LA Film Critics etc., etc., and if downtown Madagascar digs up an award he’ll grab that too. In person, the guy attracts more bodies than a cashmere sale at Bergdorfs.

Sony’s newie “A Journal for Jordan,” starring Michael B. Jordan and Chanté Adams, premiered at AMC Lincoln Square and even brought out our mayor the temp. Only Kamala — probably detained at the border — didn’t show.

Since George Washington whacked that cherry tree we’ve had killings, shootings and every war story possible, so why’s Denzel producing and directing another about a soldier in battle?

Denzel: “It’s NOT a war story. It’s a love story. A true story about two beautiful young people and their newborn. The father, a sergeant in the Army stationed in Iraq, and the son he loves and hasn’t seen. While stationed away he’s writing a journal for his little boy.

“Listen, this movie didn’t come about like any quick TV film. It didn’t just happen. It took 18 years. At first this was a book which my producing partner discovered. Then, in 2007, he brought it to Sony. We worked on the script through I don’t know how many drafts. Maybe 50. I didn’t even say yes that I would do it until 2018, and that’s because I first had to see a script.”

While the stylist or designer fluffed, puffed, stuffed, tucked and rearranged the female star Adams’ fuschia silky gown which had a train and more fabric than you’d find in a parachute, Denzel stood calmly in black shirt, black pants, black socks, black shoes. To him, black clothes matter.

So could he remember what it was like when he did his first film?

“Oh, yeah. We lived here in New York. We had no money. And I couldn’t believe this had actually just finally happened to me. When I learned I’d really gotten my very first job, I can’t tell you how thrilled I was. I was so overcome with excitement that I just ran down Madison Avenue.”

And what store did he go into so he could buy himself a congratulation present?

“Buy what? With what? Buy? I didn’t have any money. I just ran.”

As did his p.r. rep Alan Nierob to grab him away from me.

Let’s table that

TABLESCAPING is holiday’s new shtick. Remember mama telling you the salad fork goes on the outside? Now Santa’s new doc is “Set!” and Orange County Fair’s exhibiting this silverware-savvy Discovery+ thing. Shove plating atop Duncan Phyfe. This is just what pandemickers need while standing in front of an open fridge dining with our fingers. And a similar show on HGTV has lead judge Martha Stewart. Listen, better you should eat out.

Ha! Nice try

SOME Jan. 6 rioters will face assault charges next month. In the “Now I’ve heard everything” department, the accused’s lawyers plan to argue they were subject to police brutality and that the injuries they caused to the Capitol Police were necessary for their “selfdefense.” Prosecutors involved in this case point to the crateload of videos they’ve seen and claim “the jury will either believe the defendants or their own eyes.”

SO, this fortune teller predicted I was going to take a long trip. An hour and a half later I was still in a taxi going crosstown.

Oy. Only in New York, kids, only in New York.