CAN’T TOUCH THIS

Women are saying no to sex — and finding fulfillment

When Claire’s last relationship of 12 months ended in 2018, she decided to take a break from intimacy, admitting she had spent a lot of time in the past using sex to keep men happy.

“I needed that break to actually realize that, sex isn’t love,” the mom of two, who had been married from 2013 to 2016, told The Post. “It’s not there just to please a man — you need to be able to please yourself as well.”

Claire, who declined to give her last name, is now 40 and said she hasn’t had a sexual relationship since her last one ended. She described the break as “liberating” and said it has given her time to work on herself and be there for her 19year-old daughter and 13year-old son.

The power of one

“I don’t miss [sex], to be honest,” she said, though she admitted she wouldn’t mind being intimate in “other ways such as cuddling.”

“My friends are totally supportive and really get it,” she added. “And there are a couple of us that are the same and don’t miss it at all.”

Actress and talk show host Drew Barrymore recently made headlines after she admitted in a personal essay that she hasn’t been intimate with anyone since splitting from her husband Will Kopelman in 2016.

“Since entering life as a single mom, I have not been able to have an intimate relationship,” the 47-year-old “Charlie’s Angels” alum wrote in the essay called “Rebels Who Love.”

“I have had the honor and a pleasure to actually work on myself and learn what parenting is, something I was not exactly clear on growing up,” Barrymore said.

Her message was received by women all around the world, who came out in droves agreeing with her.

“The message that we don’t need a partner or sex to be complete and happy is an important one,” Jennifer, 45, who’s been on a sex break, told The Post. “I’m an extremely sexual person. In the past year, I’ve only had sex twice [because] it wasn’t my priority.”

Jennifer, who lives in Texas and declined to give her surname, said she has been married three times and has two children. Her last relationship ended 14 months ago, and since then, she’s been putting herself first.

Shifting priorities

“I don’t need a relationship or sex to be complete,” she continued. “If or when the time is right, I’m definitely open.”

Like Claire, Jennifer said she misses the connection that comes with sex, but said she has channeled the extra physical energy into renovating a camper van.

“When it’s all done, I plan on hitting the road,” she said, adding, “I think part of being single and healthy is knowing how to take care of yourself.”

Not focusing on sexual relationships can allow women to focus on shifting priorities.

Claire, for instance, has used the time to practice meditation and better connect with her spiritual side.

“Sex isn’t everything, [and] I think, especially as you get older, as well, things change,” Claire said.

According to Meaghan Rice, a Talkspace therapist who specializes in couples, it can be harder to develop and maintain a sexual relationship as one grows older.

“Women may choose not to have sex because sex requires time and energy, which become increasingly more valuable commodities as we age,” Rice told The Post.

“Plus, our priorities shift over time, so it is fair to expect that if sex is not a priority, that valuable time and

OVER THE SEX:

Drew Barrymore recently said that being celibate has made her a better parent. energy will be absorbed by other things that align closer to our needs.”

Hormonal changes can also be a factor. Claire admitted her libido decreased after going through early menopause at 27, for which she received hormone replacement therapy.

Laurie Jeffers, a certified menopause clinician and codirector of the Center for Midlife Health and Menopause, said that hormones and menopause definitely play a role in decreased sex drive. But even when the “spontaneous desire” to have sex plummets, women usually retain their “receptive desire,” particularly if they’re in a strong existing relationship.

A new confidence

“Many women will find that once they begin sexual activity — even if they don’t have that spontaneous desire — they’ll have receptive desire and will be able to engage and respond, it may just take longer,” Jeffers told The Post.

But mainly, women said, they feel empowered by Barrymore’s words.

“I think women have quite a lot of pressure on them to have those sexual relationships,” Claire said.

“I think when I was younger, especially, I did associate sex with love, and actually, that wasn’t always the case,” she continued. “So to have a break has really made me — like [Drew] said, connect with [myself] and first and foremost be a mom.”