THE MULTI-WORST
Audiences say ‘MC-U later’ as plot begins to unravel for Hollywood hero Marvel
AUDIENCES are finally saying “F you!” to the MCU. While the awful “AntMan and the Wasp: Quantumania” raked in $120 million over the long Presidents Day weekend, ticket buyers and critics were put off by the Paul Rudd stinker.
On Rotten Tomatoes, the squishable film nearly ties studio-worst “Eternals,” which has a 47% rating, with 48%. Even more tellingly, the unrelentingly stupid and impossible-to-follow “Quantumania” scored an underwhelming B from the audience-survey service CinemaScore. That’s a big fat “Splat!” Although a B might not sound too dire, think of it not as “Congratulations! You’ve passed physics class!” but rather “Beware! This sushi restaurant has rat poop in the kitchen.”
But, you say, that’s just one clunker out of 31. Most of them don’t suck. Tom Holland’s so charming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The problem is Marvel movies are increasingly infuriating fans. Over the past year, “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” and “Thor: Love and Thunder” both netted a similarly mediocre B+ from CinemaScore. “Eternals” got a B back in 2021.
Schlock fest
Seeing a terrific Marvel movie is now much rarer than groaning through another crummy one. Everything is about the godforsaken multiverse, nothing ever makes any sense and Oscar winners schmact in front of a green screen.
It’s about damn time these lemming-like superhero fans wake up to what’s being shoved in their face four times a year. Marvel is cranking out so much subpar schlock lately, I feel like I’m trapped in my own personal multiverse of madness.
And there is no end in sight. Not even a superhero sabbatical.
By the end of 2026, nine more Marvel Cinematic Universe films will have been released — bringing the grand total to 40 interconnected flicks, starting with “Iron Man” 15 long years ago. Forty! It took “Star Wars” 42 years to reach 11; “Star Trek” 37 years to get to 13. James Bond, 59 years to arrive at 25.
But Disney and Marvel are engaging in a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest of moviemaking. More, more, more!
Unbelievably gluttonous, the MCU has also somehow cobbled together 20 TV series. What the hell even is ABC’s “Inhumans”?
Like a crazed man shouting into a loudspeaker in Times Square, I rant and rave about the MCU to anybody who will listen. I predicted in 2021 after “Eternals” bludgeoned the world’s eyeballs that this hulking franchise was on the verge of going down the toilet. And, save for a “Spidey” here and a “Shang-Chi” there, it has. But now actual die-hards are getting fed up too. And the Grover Cleveland of Disney CEOs, Bob Iger, knows it.
Phase it out
A sensible new strategy introduced by Iger, who came out of retirement to course-correct underperforming Disney, is to reduce the Cheesecake Factory menu of Marvel products and slow down the onslaught of releases.
“The pace at which we’re putting out the Disney+ shows will change so they can each get a chance to shine,” he told Entertainment Weekly.
That’s all well and good, but I wish they’d stop it with the “phases” already (for those keeping score at home, we’re in the fifth) and start phasing this thing out.
Fat chance. As long as Disney is making money, they’ll keep the MCU going until Tom Holland is an AARP member.