Hollow the money

From Jacksonville mess to end zone theatrics, no escaping NFL gambling

LET’S see now, where did I leave that $22 million? I know it’s here, somewhere. My sock drawer? Night table? Nope.

Did I give it to Jon Rahm? Nah, he’s not in it for the money.

Oh, that’s right! Now I remember. I blew it all gambling on sports!

It was a huge story that made just a brief, small splash as per the NFL’s stats, standings and draft picks-obsessed, no-hard-questions-asked league-compliant media, but last week 31-year-old Amit Patel, an employee in the Jacksonville Jaguars’ finance department, was charged with stealing $22 million from the team over four years to fuel what his attorney characterized as “a serious gambling addiction.”

Yes, $22 million is just a few dollars beyond a mild addiction.

So how could the Jags, over four years, been so negligent as to miss millions of missing millions while Patel lavished purloined gifts on himself — a condo, a new car and jewelry — amidst his hours spent accruing unfathomable gambling losses?

Did he plan to pay it back, 20 bucks a week? Or win back $22 million to break even?

How do you operate an accounting department that can’t even account for itself ?

The good news for the NFL, Jags and Roger Goodell is that Patel reportedly blew most of it betting with FanDuel and DraftKings, both NFL-licensed bookmakers, thus the NFL can profit from some of Patel’s losses the next time their licensing agreements are up for renewal.

Not that Goodell’s watch is known for vigilance, but Patel was not the Jags’ CFO. He was what has been described as a midlevel management employee who stumbled upon the team’s new credit card system that allowed him the keys to the kingdom.

This is in line with Goodell’s management style as no one at or near the top of the NFL seems to know what the hell is going on — starting with opening kickoffs and games adjudicated by a rules book that has the sustaining clarity and rigidity of an Etch A Sketch.

And the only NFL betting lock is that there will be a drunken brawl among customers — Eagles’ misanthropes vs. Cowboys’ senior juvenile delinquents was this week’s main event — allowing Goodell’s “good investment,” double-billed patrons options: Step around the blood, buy a luxury suite, throw a few fists of their own or stay home — as long as they make a lot of bets.

It was perhaps a tribute to Goodell’s leadership that, after the Giants intercepted a Packers’ pass on Monday, the defense gathered in the end zone, where the classless gather for TV closeups, to perform another spontaneous (rehearsed) group skit, this one of them shooting craps.

We end this latest spitting-intothe-storm session with a question from reader Rick Lewis:

Sunday’s FanDuel “Same Game Parlay Special” was Rams-Ravens — “parlay” is the house’s polite term for “sucker.”

“Fans” were invited to bet the Ravens, laying 7.5, root for Rams WR Cooper Kupp and his QB Matthew Stafford to have big stat games and for Ravens QB Lamar Jackson to score a rushing TD.

Lewis: “How the heck can anyone enjoy that game if they bet this? Root for the Ravens but also root for Stafford to have a good game and, I guess, go deep to Kupp?

“What do you root for if the game is close? First-and-goal so Jackson can run one in? You need them to win by more than a field goal. My head would spin.”

On top of being a standard sucker bet, it was a special contradictory realities bet, like Goodell’s claim that PSLs are “good investments.”

But why would Goodell or his merry band of team owners and big league-certified sports books care? You’re no longer supposed to root for a team. You’re supposed to root for your money.