FINDING YOUR GROOVE
Bringing home a baby is a huge life change — here’s how to cope
THE feelings you may be experiencing when you come home with your new baby are likely to be a mix of emotions: excitement and, possibly, panic. During these precious few weeks, anxiety is common, as is the challenge of managing friends and family, all of whom may be pushing to visit the baby and share their child-rearing advice with you.
Experts agree that this is your baby and your prerogative to decide how you want things to be.
Set ground rules for visitors
It may be tough to say no to your mom (or mother-inlaw) if she wants to spend lots of time with your baby, but it’s up to you to decide how often visitors can come over, said Zoe Rapoport, a clinical psychologist in Chelsea and mom of a 2 year-old. It’s also important that they follow the rules.
“Your mom is special, but she still has to wash her hands when she comes over,” she said, adding that it may be best to make it a rule to only have one person visiting you at a time. “Your baby’s immune system isn’t fully developed until she’s around 3 months old so it’s essential to tell anyone, ‘If you have the sniffles, stay away.’ ”
And if anyone in your life is unhappy about these rules, you may have to get even tougher.
“Consider telling them that they will lose access to your baby if they keep asking,” she added. “It may be hard to do this at first, but this is all about your baby’s health so it’s up to you to find the strength to not back down.”
Smile and nod when given unsolicited advice
Sure, that mom friend of yours is only trying to help, but when she asks if you’ve played Mozart to try to get your baby to sleep, it’s fine to just smile and nod, said Melissa Paschke, a clinical social worker who runs the Brooklyn Post-Partum Depression Support Group.
“This friend isn’t with you when it’s 3:30 a.m.,” she said. “It’s not for anyone to offer their opinions, so just politely say ‘Thank you for the suggestion.’ This often works effectively to set limits and keep boundaries in place.”
Postpartum anxiety is real
While postpartum depression is now talked about, postpartum anxiety is actually more common among new mothers and isn’t getting nearly the attention it deserves, said Lauren Cook, a licensed clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif., and a new mom.
“The big sign that you’re experiencing this is if you’re ruminating on a topic or have obsessive thoughts,” she said. “It can manifest as anxiety, such as ‘What if I drop the baby?’ Or you worry about someone kidnapping the baby. I tell moms that they should never feel ashamed about sharing these thoughts and fears because, the more we avoid talking about them, the more these thoughts can take over.”
Never hesitate to seek help
While it’s natural to feel overwhelmed in the first few days, weeks and months with your new baby, it’s very important to seek help if you’re having trouble bonding with your baby. Pay attention to any crying episodes you may be having as well.
“While crying is normal, uncontrollable crying that lasts for more than a few minutes isn’t,” Rapoport said. “And if you’re finding that all you can think about is something bad happening to you, your baby or your family, you should seek help from an expert.”