Elec­tri­cal prob­lem solved with just the turn of a tater

News-Herald (Perkasie, PA) - - CHURCH NEWS -

Never once have I con­sid­ered that elec­tri­cal is­sues in the home could be solved with a potato, but that is only be­cause I am not a for­mally trained home-im­prove­ment ex­pert.

So when elec­tri­cal is­sues more com­pli­cated than chang­ing a light bulb arise, I usu­ally sum­mon the pro­fes­sion­als be­cause I tend to shy away from any home project that has the po­ten­tial to kill me.

I will apol­o­gize in ad­vance for us­ing any tech­ni­cal terms that you, dear UHDGHU, PLJKW fiNG con­fus­ing when de­scrib­ing the lat­est home project cri­sis at our house.

Seems like we in­deed needed an­other light bulb changed, this one on the out­side of the house right by the garage. This is nor­mally not a prob­lem for me be­cause I am the fam­ily’s sice Pres­i­dent in Charge of Chang­ing Light Bulbs and I have, in the past, demon­strated a cer­tain level of com­pe­tency in the du­ties DVVRFLDWHG ZLWK WKH RI­fiFH.

But when I re­moved the burned out bulb this time, the glass por­tion of the bulb came out quite nicely, but the (Tech­ni­cal Term Alert) metal thread thingy on the HNG RI WKH EUOE VWDyHG fiUPOy im­planted in the (Tech­ni­cal 7HUP $OHUW ,,) OLJKW fixWUUH doohickey. This is what I con­sider a “com­pli­ca­tion.”

Although I am not an ex­pert in elec­tric­ity, I do know that stick­ing a pair of pli­ers LNWR D OLJKW fixWUUH WR IUHH WKH WKUHDG WKLNJy IURP WKH fix­ture doohickey might re­sult in a shock­ing and un­ex­pected whoop­sy­doo­dle down my leg. Thus, the project had been left un­com­pleted for sev­eral weeks.

For­tu­nately we have ex­perts in the fam­ily that can han­dle th­ese home project com­pli­ca­tions. Both No. 1 Son-In-Law (government code name No1SIL) and No. 1 Penn­syl­va­nia Broth­erIn-Law (government code name No1PABRO) are both card-car­ry­ing mem­bers of the Fed­er­ated Brother­hood of Macdyvers ( FBOMS). dive th­ese guys a plas­tic spoon, a pa­per­clip, a rub­ber band and a roll of duct tape and they’ll build you a house.

Tired of my hes­i­ta­tion on ― DNG IHDU RI ― WDFNOLNJ the project, The Blonde Ac­coun­tant con­sulted her EURWKHU ― 1R13$B52 ― DNG GHWDLOHG WKH OLJKW fix­ture prob­lem. Easy enough, he said, we only needed to take a raw potato and MDP LW US LNWR WKH fixWUUH doohickey to un­screw the thread thingy from its predica­ment.

When she re­layed the in- for­ma­tion to me, I had never heard of such a thing. A poWDWR? 5HDOOy? 0y fiUVW UHDF­tion was that No1PABRO was pulling my leg. So I con­sulted No1SIL and he, WRR, FRN­fiUPHG WKH dreat Potato So­lu­tion. Ap­par­ently I am the only guy in North Amer­ica who didn’t know this was an­other use for a potato.

Older Daugh­ter chimed in as well, ad­mit­ting that she, too, knew about potato thing. But she is mar­ried to a se­cret agent with a code name so she prob­a­bly knows a lot more about pota­toes than just their use­ful­ness in solv­ing elec­tri­cal prob­lems.

“Make sure the light switch is off be­fore you stick DNyWKLNJ LNWR WKH OLJKW fix­ture,” added No1SIL. “But it’s no big deal. It’s only 110 volts.”

I beg to dif­fer. I con­sid- er any amount of volt­age pass­ing through my body and send­ing sparks out my back­side a pretty big deal, although some­thing like that could of­fer an op­por­tu­nity to change ca­reers and get a job as a cir­cus per­former.

Even­tu­ally I se­cured a raw SRWDWR ― NRWH WR RWKHU KRPH im­prove­ment novices: It really needs to be a raw potato be­cause french fries, tater tots and hash browns really GRN’W ZRUN DV ZHOO ― DNG went about the task of jamPLNJ LW US LNWR WKH OLJKW fix­ture, with a twist.

$W fiUVW, NRWKLNJ SRVLWLYH was hap­pen­ing, un­less one FRNVLGHUV WKDW OLJKW fixWUUHV ap­par­ently can be used to peel pota­toes. I’m not sure how use­ful that in­for­ma­tion LV, EUW ,’P FRN­fiGHNW WKDW WKH Macdyvers in the fam­ily could some­how in­cor­po­rate it into their next house­build­ing project.

To help make the pro­ce­dure more ef­fec­tive, it oc­curred to me to take a knife and carve the potato so that it had a bit of a point to it, which I then UHLNVHUWHG LNWR WKH OLJKW fixWUUH doohickey and be­gan a slow turn of the tater.

And what do you know, the dadgummed thing started to work like it was in­tended to. I was able to loosen the lodged metal thread thingy from the old bulb enough to JHW Py WKUPE DNG LNGHx fiNJHU DURUNG LW DNG fiNLVK WKH ex­trac­tion.

Of course, I did the Snoopy Happy Dance up and down the drive­way be­cause any success, no mat­ter how small, in the area of home projects is a big deal for me and I wanted to make sure all the neigh­bors were aware of it.

One of my Face­book friends sug­gested that this potato-in-the-light idea could be devel­oped into a new East Coast way of mak­ing french fries.

I’m go­ing to have to con­sult the fam­ily Macdyvers on that. It’s a safe bet that WKHy’OO fiJUUH RUW D ZDy WR make it hap­pen.

Mike Morsch is ex­ec­u­tive ed­i­tor of Mont­gomery Me­dia and au­thor of the book, “Danc­ing in My Un­der­wear: The Sound­track of My Life.” He can be reached by call­ing 215542-0200, ext. 415 or by email at msquared35@ ya­hoo.com. This col­umn can also be found at www. mont­gomerynews.com.

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