’11 cinema offered lots to praise and jeer

SEATTLE — Following a tradition established long ago, here is a list of year-end awards you won’t see anywhere else: The Dubious Achievements — in movies, that is — of 2011.

Best performance in a lost cause: Helen Mirren ( Arthur), Patricia Clarkson ( One Day), Jay Chou ( The Green Hornet), Michelle Pfeiffer ( New Year’s Eve), John Krasinski ( Something Borrowed), Isiah Whitlock Jr. ( Cedar Rapids).

Best performance by an animal: This past year brought two genuine canine star turns, both by Jack Russell terriers who could give any human actor a run for his money: Cosmo in Beginners, and Uggie in The Artist. Which was better? You decide.

Best chemistry: Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo ( The Artist), Matt Damon and Emily Blunt ( The Adjustment Bureau), Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone ( Crazy, Stupid, Love.), Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender ( Jane Eyre), Matthew Mcconaughey and Marisa Tomei ( The Lincoln Lawyer), Paula Patton and Laz Alonso ( Jumping the Broom), Paul Giamatti and Amy Ryan ( Win Win), Simon Pegg and Nick Frost ( Paul).

Worst chemistry: Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson ( Water for Elephants), Sarah Jessica Parker and Greg Kinnear ( I Don’t Know How She Does It), Liam Neeson and January Jones ( Unknown).

Funniest chemistry: Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm ( Bridesmaids).

Best cameo: Judi Dench ( Pi-

rates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides), Sigourney

Weaver ( Paul).

Best breakthrough performance: Viola Davis, who finally got that leading role she has long deserved ( The

Help); Michael Fassbender, who had four breakthrough performances this past year ( Jane Eyre, X-men: First Class,

Shame and A Dangerous Method); Elizabeth Olsen ( Martha Marcy May Marlene); Ryan Gosling, showing us that he can do comedy, too ( Crazy,

Stupid, Love.).

Best abdominal muscles: Gosling, ( Crazy, Stupid,

Love.). Yes, they did look photoshopped.

Best debut: Walter ( The

Muppets); Jacob Wysocki ( Terri). A special nod to Noomi Rapace, the former girl with the dragon tattoo (in the Swedish edition of the movie trilogy), who made her English-language film debut in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows and stole the show.

Best kid performance: I doff my (very stylish) hat to the young Harry Potter cast, but must note that they have graduated out of this category. Among the under-18s who shone this past year: Amara Miller ( The Descendants), Asa Butterfield and Chloe Grace Moretz ( Hugo), Garance Le Guillermic ( The Hedgehog), Abigail Breslin ( Janie Jones), Morgana Davies ( The Tree), Alex Shaffer ( Win Win) and the entire young cast of Super 8.

Best popcorn movies: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2; X-men: First Class; Crazy, Stupid, Love; Paul; My Week With Marilyn; Midnight in Paris; The Ides of March; Fast Five.

Best superhero: Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

est sequel: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2.

Worst sequel: The Hangover, Part 2. Please tell me

there isn’t a Part 3.

Best performance by an actor whose face we never saw: Andy Serkis ( Rise of the Planet of the Apes).

Best villains: Bryce Dallas Howard ( The Help), Albert Brooks ( Drive), John Hawkes ( Martha Marcy May Marlene), Helena Bonham

Carter ( Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2), Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Spacey ( Horrible

Bosses).

Most disappointing villain: Weren’t you expecting more from Jared Harris as criminal mastermind Moriarty in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows? I was.

Best evidence that the romantic comedy isn’t dead: Crazy, Stupid, Love., Midnight in Paris.

Most convincing evidence that the romantic comedy is, indeed, dead: Something Borrowed, What’s Your Number?, New Year’s Eve.

Slyest scene- stealing: Lake Bell ( No Strings Attached), Marisa Tomei ( Crazy, Stupid, Love.), Miles Teller ( Footloose), Kat Dennings ( Thor).

Slyest stealing: That crew

in Fast Five who swiped a pair of sports cars from a speeding train. Busiest bees: It’s not even that Michael Fassbender (noted above in “Best breakthrough”) and Jessica Chastain ( The Tree of Life, The Help, The Debt, Take Shelter) pulled off the impressive feat of being in four movies each — it was that the performances were all so very good.

Per formances we couldn’t watch without thinking about how much we miss Madmen: John Slattery ( The Adjustment Bureau), Christina Hendricks ( Drive), Vincent Kartheiser ( In Time), Jon Hamm ( Bridesmaids).

Best performance by an article of clothing: All those natty hats in The Adjustment

Bureau. Runner-up: the eloquent Hawaiian shirts worn by George Clooney in The

Descendants.

Stunt most likely to induce vertigo: Tom Cruise’s Spider-man-like climb up an insanely tall Dubai skyscraper — assisted by sticky gloves — Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol.

Most unforgettable death: Gwyneth Paltrow’s in

Contagion. Brrr. (Bet you all started washing your hands a lot after that movie, no?)