Armstrong chews the fat and chokes with Oprah

By now you’re strongly over the Lance Armstrong situation.

But there’s still one big fat issue we have left to discuss about the seven-time Tour de France-winning cyclist finally coming clean about his dirty, druggy, doping ways. The fat issue. During the two-part confession to Oprah Winfrey that drew 4.3 million viewers to her struggling OWN network (well, who knew — you owned the ability to watch the unfamiliar OWN in your television package after all!), Armstrong admitted to doing many terrible things.

Using performance enhancing substances. Lying about using performanceenhancing substances. Bullying others into using performance-enhancing substances and lying.

He might be a user, liar and bully, but, he clarified, he’s one with moral standards.

After all, he would never insult a woman.

Unless she was Betsy Andreu, whistle-blower and wife of Armstrong’s former teammate Frankie. ( Armstrong now concedes the couple’s testimony was true.)

Well, he would insult her but not meaningfully.

“I said, ‘Listen, I called you crazy,’” he told Oprah about his interaction with Andreu. “‘I called you a b****. I called you all these things.

“‘But I never called you fat.’”

Because “fat” is apparently the worst thing women — who should be defined by their appearance and not by their character, spirit or intelligence — could possibly be called. And Armstrong thought he’d make a cutesy, clever quip about it ... to Oprah Winfrey, who has publicly struggled with weight issues of her OWN.

Armstrong smirked and waited for Winfrey to laugh. She didn’t.

Nervously — or was that stubbornly — he attempted to revive the fat joke that went flat by repeating it.

“She thought I said, ‘You are a fat, crazy b****,’” he said, adding he told her, ‘Betsy … I never said you were fat.’”

Still no laughter from Winfrey, whose patience for pudge humor had worn thin.

Armstrong is not the only one making headlines for chubby chatter.

Radio personality Howard Stern recently described HBO show Girls creator and star Lena Dunham as “a little fat girl who kind of looks like Jonah Hill and she keeps taking her clothes off ... I don’t want to see that.”

There must have been backlash. Or maybe back-fat-lash.

Because loudmouth Stern later apologized: “I felt bad because I really do love the show Girls and enjoy it, and I admire the girl who writes it.”

Dunham, who is from New York, informed Stern, “I’m not super-thin. But I’m thin, for, like Detroit.”

Everyone had an oversize laugh, and all was fine again.

Well, until Yesha Callahan, a writer for BET’s Don’t Sleep called Dunham’s Detroit comments “borderline racist” in an article on TheDailyBeast.com.

“Detroit isn’t known for its population of white people,” said Callahan. “[ Dunham] doesn’t want to be judged for her size, so she shouldn’t judge an entire city on theirs.” But, “most people in the city of Detroit don’t know who [Dunham] is.”

In other words, it’s not a big deal.

Big? Wait, bad choice of words. Let’s just say it’s not important.