Beta test reveals bugs

As someone who follows tech advancements and breakthroughs, I was surprised that I hadn’t heard any online rumblings prior to TC1000’s unveiling at the recent Arkansas Senate debate.

The TC1000—shorthand for TomCotton1000—seems to be the latest and greatest in politobot tech. At a reported cost of over 20 million dollars, TC1000 is sure to please the billionaires who dumped money into the funding pit from which he crawled.

Scowling through the debate, TomCotton1000 came to life with almost near-perfect human qualities. Gazing upon his perfectly smooth, silicone substitute for human skin, I almost began to believe that there was a soul somewhere behind those all-American-looking eyes.

Unfortunately, though, the TC1000’s glitches became ever more apparent as the novelty of watching a talking autotron subsided. His ill-fitting suit seemed to distract from the more lifelike qualities in his face, a mishap that likely occurred in a lastditch effort to conceal the cold steel frame that supports his processor. Sadly, the algorithm that controls his speaking mechanism is underdeveloped at best, evidenced by TC1000’s singular response to the moderator’s questions: “voted with Obama 93 percent of the time.” The last time I checked, the president doesn’t vote in the Senate, so it is my recommendation that the TC1000 power through a high school civics class.

At the end of the day, I think Arkansans want a genuine human senator to represent everyday people, not a politobot that will owe millions of dollars in favors to his corporate creators.

I’m really sorry, TomCotton1000, for being so critical. Perhaps I was too blunt. Okay, I really didn’t mind the suit. JUSTIN JONES

Bigelow