Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Fox’s Crucifixion musical has no soul, just rock ’n’ roll
Today being Easter, you might go to church — one that you attend regularly or biannually.
During the service, you’ll surely hear an account of Jesus’ death and Resurrection from the New Testament.
But it likely will not resemble the plot of The Passion, the two-hour partially live contemporary musical set in New Orleans that aired on network television March 20.
And here is that story: The Gospel According to Fox.
A heavenly angel — or Yolanda Adams, a gospel singer in a sparkly dress — dishes out that dance-y David Guetta/Kelly Rowland ditty “When Love Takes Over.”
A clean-shaven Jesus (Jencarlos Canela), who looks straight from the pages of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, enters this modern Jerusalem of New Orleans, singing about love and accompanied by his disciples. Instead of a donkey, he opts for a streetcar.
Our sage prophet, that guy who does those Madea movies (Tyler Perry), speaks in platitudes and punch lines: “You have to wonder if Jesus walked into this city today in 2016, would we listen to him? Or would we just wanna say, ‘Hey, Jesus, can I get a selfie?’”
Jesus’ mother Mary (Trisha Yearwood) nails the late Whitney Houston’s “My Love Is Your Love.” Rather than a simple cloak, she’s dressed in close-fitting evening gown with a cleavage cutout and sparkly earrings. No veil. That would just flatten her salon curls. Later, aware her son is in danger (though we never see them interact — maybe they are texting or Skyping during commercial breaks?), she’ll offer several more ballads but no other outfits during the twohour show.
Over lattes at a coffee bar, Jesus informs Peter (Prince Royce) that he will be the rock on which he builds his church. It’s a heavy message for a guy who hasn’t had his full caffeine yet. The two work it out by traipsing around the French Quarter and singing former American Idol Phillip Phillips’ “Home.” The lightened mood lasts just a moment, then Jesus tells the disciples he’ll be put to death.
It’s upsetting, for sure. But the sanitized Gospel According to Fox minimizes all suffering. The cross is illuminated and fancy and being carried by hundreds of citizens in New Orleans in a procession through Duncan Plaza to the stage at Woldenberg Park. This Jesus won’t carry it. He won’t buckle beneath its weight. And he won’t have to hang on it later.
But now it’s time for the Last Supper. Jesus secures loaves and fishes — from a food truck, prepared by Carla Hall from Top Chef and The Chew. He provides the dinner music, serenading the disciples with Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open.”
Judas (Chris Daughtry) wrestles with his eventual betrayal of Christ, singing Evanescence’s “Bring Me to Life” (and now we’re cranky with him and glad he didn’t win American Idol). Accepting his fate, Jesus sings Train’s “Calling All Angels” while his friends snooze. Given up by Judas, Jesus still shares an Imagine Dragons duet with him. Double-crosser Peter comes to terms with his stinky deeds with a rendition of Hoobastank’s “The Reason.”
Jesus, now dressed in an orange jumpsuit, goes before a suit-and-tie-wearing Pontius Pilate (Seal). The people choose to save the murderer Barabbas instead of Jesus, and there’s a singing of “We Don’t Need Another Hero,” that Tina Turner song from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Since this is New Orleans, we change the lyrics to “All
we want is not beyond Mercedes-Benz Superdome.”
At the conclusion of Pilate’s second song (Tears for Fears’ “Mad World”), the cross reaches the park. But this Jesus never gets close to it.
Narrator Perry shares the disturbing crucifixion details. “Then [Jesus’ body] was placed inside an impenetrable tomb. And then they sealed it with the biggest rock they could find. They didn’t want him to get out, y’all. … Three days later, something happened that has been talked about for more than 2,000 years.”
And that thing, based on the Gospel According to Fox, was Jesus standing on the rooftop of the Westin New Orleans Canal Place hotel belting “Unconditionally” by another Perry — Katy.