Late laughs

Conan

Chris Rock did a fantastic job hosting the Oscars last night. In fact, his jokes about the allwhite Oscars were so good, the Academy has already decided they won’t nominate any black people again next year. In his Oscars monolog, Chris Rock said black actors should get roles like Leonardo DiCaprio does. Then black actors saw the bear scene from “The Revenant” and said, “We’re good, actually.” Last night, “Mad Max: Fury Road” (2015) won six Oscars. Which explains why the next installment will be called “Reasonably Content Max.”

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

We’ve seen cataclysmic events, decisions with unknown implications for all our future, choices being made that cannot be undone, because Monday on “The Bachelor,” Ben said “I love you” to two different women. Yesterday, Americans in 13 states voted in Super Tuesday. Making today “My God, what have we done?” Wednesday. On the Democratic side, the race is between front-runner Hillary Clinton and the senator from the great state of your liberal friends’ Facebook feed, Bernie Sanders.

The Late Late Show with James Corden

Why do Americans call this day Super Tuesday? Do you even know what the word “super” means? Calling the primary elections “super” is like calling broccoli a “guilty pleasure.” At a rally in Georgia yesterday, Trump was endorsed by the CEO of NASCAR and several prominent NASCAR drivers. With the NASCAR endorsement, Donald Trump has locked up the coveted “guy you wish your sister would break up with” vote.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The day after the Oscars is always more fun than the day of the Oscars because that’s when people in L.A. are allowed to eat again. You know, the reason they call them stars is “star” is short for “starving.” This year, as you know, Super Tuesday will be followed by horrified Wednesday. There was voting today in 13 states, with hundreds of delegates at stake. I thought this was interesting, Jeb Bush spent his Super Tuesday at home, ironing and re-ironing his Tommy Bahama shirts.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

According to a new CNN national poll, Donald Trump has increased his lead among the Republican field and is now up to 49 percent support. But remember, it’s a CNN poll, so 49 percent is also the margin of error. The 12-state Super Tuesday primary was today, and over 22 million people in the Midwest were subjected to thunderstorms and hail as they tried to head to the polls. “I’m doing everything I can!” said God. Donald Trump said in a new interview that “there’s nobody that’s done so much for equality” as he has. Well, he does appear to be doing everything in his power to make sure America has its first female president.

Weekend Update With Colin Jost and Michael Che

On Friday, Ben Carson formally ended his presidential campaign. Said Carson, “My what now?” This week, Hillary Clinton hosted a fundraiser at New York City’s Radio City Music Hall, bringing out a star-studded lineup that included singer Katy Perry. So, yeah. Bill was there.