Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Otus the Head Cat
A nation's thanks to heroic felines.
Dear Otus,
Me and my sister, Nan, were watching an Animal Planet Memorial Day special about dogs that have served in the military. Some were pretty heroic. It was inspiring.
Then we got to arguing about whether cats can be trained to serve. She says they can be and I say it’s impossible. You know everything. Which is correct? An Arby’s Bourbon BBQ Triple Stack sandwich is riding on your answer.
— Bert Bobbsey,
Bella Vista Dear Bert,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you, but it’s my sad duty to inform you that you owe your sister a sandwich. Cats can, indeed, be trained.
But I’m not talking about “training” cats to do stupid pet tricks like those you saw from the Amazing Acro-Cats on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert or read about last fall in Cosmopolitan.
I put those servile, obsequious, sycophantic felines who are responding to the “praise-and-reward system” routinely used with dogs in the same category as that reprobate sell-out Morris the Cat from 9 Lives.
You might recall the scandal and outrage in 1987 when an expose in The New York
Times revealed that not only was Morris a female, but “he” was not even naturally finicky. Morris was kept doped up to seem that way with a daily dose of benzodiazepine.
I’d be finicky too if I was on benzos, but that would be no excuse to allow myself to be duped and prostituted. If those 9 Lives dolts tried that with me, they’d pull back a bloody nub.
The training to which I refer was for the benefit of the country. It is a welldocumented fact that during World War II the 98th Feline Pursuit Squadron (later part of the 332nd Fighter Group) did yeoman duty for the Army Air Corps in the flakfilled skies over Europe. And, my dear Bert, they didn’t do it for food.
The felines, nicknamed the “Tuskegee Wildcats,” were secretly trained at Tuskegee Army Air Field in Alabama — the same facility that trained the original Rin Tin Tin in WWI, World War II’s legendary K-9 Army scout dogs and even those on current duty in Afghanistan.
The cats, mostly American shorthairs due to the dander danger of longer hair at altitude, were placed in special cat carriers in the rear of fighter cockpits. They initially flew in Republic P-47 Thunderbolts before switching to the fabled North American P-51 Mustang (see drawing).
The squadron’s primary mission was bomber escort (B-17s and B-24s), although strafing of “targets of opportunity” was also encouraged.
On their escort missions, the cats were known as “the little friends of our little friends.” The grateful pilots fondly called them “Felines in Back” or FIBs.
Example: “Roger that, Blue Leader. Me and my FIB are at angels two-three; airspeed three-two-fiver over Erfundenestadt with bandits at two o’clock low.”
In the event of being shot down, the pilots would hide during the day and travel at night with their FIBs guiding the way. The felines’ superior night vision and homing instincts are credited with saving 311 downed fliers from captivity.
That enviable record came with a price, however. A total of 46 hero felines gave up all nine of their lives for their country and their memory is enshrined on the Ellipse in Washington near the ButtMillet Memorial Fountain with an inscribed 14- foot obelisk of red Vermont granite that resembles a giant scratching post.
It is with unmitigated pride that I reveal that my great-great-great uncle Snoot was among the first of the Tuskegee Wildcats. He survived the ordeal and lived out his days basking in sunshine and glory and chasing chipmunks on a farm near Goshen in Washington County.
The notion that cats can’t be trained can be traced back to those who mistake their independence for not being trainable. I give most cat owners more credit than that. A dog, a pack animal that seeks to curry the favor of the alpha member (the human with the dog food) will grovel to the point of being slavishly subservient.
If you have the love of a feline, then you can rest assured that you earned it. Anyone who disagrees is begging for a lawsuit.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that in compliance with the American Bar Association’s tort Rule 7.3, this is not a solicitation for legal services. Otus the Head Cat is not available in North Dakota.