Single mother by choice wants positive support from friends

Dear Abby: I’m a single woman who has always wanted children. I have spent years hearing my friends and family tell me how great being a parent is and how I’m missing out. After careful consideration, I chose to utilize donor sperm and am now expecting my first child.

The only thing upsetting me is that those same people who told me how great motherhood is now speak only of the tribulations of motherhood, and how they couldn’t do it alone

I’m an educated woman in a profession that pays well, and I consider myself to be fortunate. I don’t know what to expect but want to think positive and enjoy my pregnancy. I’m confused and hurt by my friends’ reactions now that I am pregnant. Do I need

to distance myself from these friends? — Confounded In North Carolina

Dear Confounded: Parenting involves many emotions. It’s a joy, an adventure, a challenge and a commitment. The experience is also an individual one.

You are a mature person and financially secure. If you need help with your child, you can get it. Please do not allow yourself to be intimidated by what these “friends” are sharing, and do not seek their validation. I’m not implying you should distance yourself and end the relationships, because you may welcome some of their advice in the future.

Dear Abby: My husband is an only child. When his parents retired, his mother, who was always social, stayed home with his dad. Because of this, she spent a great deal of time texting my husband.

My father-in-law passed away recently, and the texting has increased. It goes on all day, every day, even after we go to bed. I want to be sensitive, but the constant phone buzzing and interruptions are getting old.

My husband is defensive about the texting. We have a happy marriage, and I want to keep it that way. How should I handle this? — Overloaded In Oklahoma Dear Overloaded: Your husband, rather than you, should handle his mother. Because your father-in-law’s death is recent, she may need time to adjust to being alone. If her constant, intrusive texting persists beyond a reasonable amount of time, he should suggest that she cut back. He should also encourage her to re-establish the friendships and activities she gave up for her husband and, if necessary, consider joining a grief support group. Her doctor or religious adviser can suggest one that would be appropriate for her.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit