Man hopes to move affair with his co-worker forward

Dear Abby: I have been communicating with a woman from work. She’s been with a guy for about four years. He works for the same company but in a different building. It’s clear to me that he isn’t good enough for her. We have a clear connection and an attraction. We have both discussed our feelings with each other.

I let her know that if they broke up, I would want to give it a try, and she said the same. She contacts me when she wants and flirts, but it’s always at her convenience. We have “known” each other for about a year and a half now, and she claims she cares for me. How should I move this situation forward? — Three’s A Crowd In New York

Dear Crowd: Allow me to offer a flash of insight:

She likes things the way they are. You may not think her boyfriend is good enough for her, but the woman you have placed on this pedestal is someone who enjoys sneaking behind the back of someone she’s been involved with for four years and discusses an exit strategy with a co-worker. Open your eyes. She’s not seriously interested in you. She’s enjoying a flirtation on her own terms, period. What makes you think you are the only one she does this with?

Dear Abby: I have been overweight for half of my life. After many diets, exercises, weight loss and gaining it all back, I’m planning to have gastric sleeve surgery within the next two months.

I have not mentioned this to my adult children or my parents. My parents are elderly and probably would worry. My children probably won’t like it either.

I’ll lose 60 to 70 pounds. Should I say something or wait until it becomes obvious? I’m a private person, and don’t want any negative or snarky remarks.

Am I being ridiculous, selfish or silly? If I don’t tell, how will I explain how I lost the weight without spilling my secret? I may tell everyone later on, but not right now. — Got A Secret In The South

Dear Got A Secret:

Wanting to be your best and healthiest self isn’t ridiculous, selfish or silly. If you need surgical intervention to conquer your weight issues and your doctors agree, there is no reason to be defensive. Attempting to hide a 70-pound weight loss would be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster.

When you are asked about it, all you need to say is that your weight problem is in the past, you prefer not discussing it. Once your doctors allow it, start doing some walking so you can be seen adopting a healthier lifestyle. People may assume it’s the reason you are thinner.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit