Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Widower grasps for ways to fill void left after wife’s passing

- ABIGAIL VAN BUREN www.DearAbby.com Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips,and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit

Dear Abby: My beautiful wife just passed away from ovarian cancer. She was only 48. She was my perfect life partner for 28 years and everything to me. I didn’t have any hobbies or guy friends; all I wanted was to be with her.

I’m not asking for help with grief, there is no getting over what happened. But I became so emotionall­y dependent on her that I am like an addict in withdrawal. Because of this, I’m afraid I will appear desperate if I even talk to another woman. I need someone in my life. I just don’t know how.

Please help me figure out how to let someone know I would be a good partner without hanging a sign around my neck that says “Desperate!” —

In Need Of Someone Dear In Need: Allow me to offer my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife, but please don’t jump the gun. Before searching for another wife, it’s important you figure out the boundary between where you left off and your wife began.

While the closeness you shared was a special gift, I urge you to allow yourself time to heal from this great loss. By that, I am not implying that you should go into seclusion. Quite the contrary. But instead of searching for someone to fill the hole in your life, it would be healthier to start by looking for friends. Friends are easy to talk to, and from friendship­s deeper relationsh­ips develop.

Explore activities that interest you. If you get stuck, ask for a referral to a grief support group or a therapist. You will get through this, but it will take time. Have faith, accept it, go slow and you won’t regret it.

Dear Abby: My fiance, “Jay,” has a 14-year-old daughter who has been home-schooling during quarantine, and she refuses to put on pants. When we ask her to, she gets upset. She’s 5’10” and 200 pounds, so it’s like seeing a grown woman in her underwear.

I think it’s inappropri­ate that she’s unwilling to dress herself fully. Jay says it doesn’t bother him, and he doesn’t mind when I ask her to put shorts on. I don’t feel it’s my place to dictate what she wears. I don’t know if I’m crossing a line or if it’s normal to feel this way. Help!

— Didn’t Think I Was A Prude

Dear Didn’t: Your fiance is OK with his daughter’s attire in their home. If your engagement to Jay leads to marriage, you will be living there permanentl­y, so your opinion should be respected. Someone has to have “the talk” with your fiance’s daughter about the fact she’s no longer a child. The person to do that is her father. The message would be better coming from him. You’re not her parent, and it may keep you from being perceived as the “wicked stepmother-to-be.”

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