Wife tries to coax opinions from man aiming to please

Dear Abby: This may seem strange, but my husband is too nice. His late mother was domineering and trained him not to have an opinion. Almost everything he says is crafted so that no one can take issue with him.

No matter what I ask him, he answers, “whatever you want.” I give him choices, he tries to guess what I would prefer.

We both have degrees and are in our early 30s. He lived with his parents through college. I’ve told him that it’s safe for him to express his opinions. After two years, not much has changed.

I am tired of being in charge of everything. I feel like I’m raising a very obedient child. I wanted an equal partner in marriage. How should I handle this?

— Wife, Not Mother

Dear Wife: I am guessing you have had more than one conversation with your husband about this. There is a saying, “Give me a child ‘til the age of 7, and he’s mine for life,” which references indoctrination. Your late motherin-law had her son under her roof for about 25 years, so his personality traits are pretty well cemented in. You might have better luck if you start phrasing your questions differently. (“Do you want chicken or fish tonight?” “Do you want to decide or should I punch you in the nose?”) But if that doesn’t work, you may have to accept the man you married just the way his

mother made him.

Dear Abby: I am currently living with my fiancee, “Josie.” We are a same-sex couple and it was hard for our families to come to terms with, mainly Josie’s mother.

We are planning a small courthouse wedding with a family dinner to follow a week later. We have made this clear everyone, and nobody has taken issue with it. However, Josie’s mother thinks it “isn’t right” that we are inviting only parents. She also called Josie crying because Josie and I went dress shopping on our own.

How can we get my fiancee’s mother to be more supportive? — Wedding Drama In Pennsylvania

Dear Wedding Drama: It might be helpful to recognize that while your family is more accepting, Josie’s mother appears to be struggling. As many mothers do, she may have fantasized about a church wedding, helping her daughter select her bridal gown, etc. In a sense, she is grieving the death of her fantasy. Frankly, I feel sorry for the woman. With time, I am sure she will become more accepting and supportive.

You and Josie are about to embark on your lives together. Let your happiness be the beacon that guides her mother to acceptance, although it may not happen quickly.