Cellphone records suggest wife’s affair is not over

Dear Abby: I found out a year ago that my wife of eight years had an affair for three years with my best friend. Two months ago I realized she is still contacting him. I found out because I went through her cell records. She said she was just texting him about how he ruined our life. Now I have no access to them, and I suspect she’s using a text app so I won’t know. She keeps her phone with her all the time.

I can’t live like this, and I don’t know what to do. I always let her do what she wanted and never had a concern before this. I was always laid-back, but now I can’t stop thinking she is up to no good.

How do I approach this with her? We have been to counseling. Every time I bring up her affair, she says our marriage will never work because of trust issues, and I agree. Please help. — Out Of Chances In Florida

Dear Out: Your wife and best friend betrayed you, so your trust issues are well-founded. If she would like to stay married to you, she should not be hiding her cellphone and texts from you. If she’s unwilling to cooperate, then what she said is 100% correct — your marriage will never work, and your next step should be to talk to an attorney.

Dear Abby: I had a baby a year ago. I’m 46, and my son’s father just turned 50. We are looking to buy a house, but I am conflicted. We are not married, and it will be my money that we use for the down payment. I have expressed that I would like to be married before we buy the house, but nothing has happened. I have brought the subject up several times, but I now feel really nervous about his not following through. How should I proceed from here? — Down Payment Dilemma In New York

Dear D.P.D.: That the father of your baby keeps “forgetting” to address the fact that you want to be married is a red flag. It appears he is unwilling to make that commitment. Before moving forward with buying property with someone who is reluctant to make a commitment, it is extremely important that you discuss this with a lawyer. An attorney can help to ensure your financial interests will be protected. Until you have done that, keep your checkbook firmly closed.