Older boyfriend considers meeting in person too risky

Dear Abby: My 33-yearold boyfriend keeps badgering me to see each other. We live 15 miles apart.

I’m a 60 and in pretty good health. Every day he asks me to either come visit or if he can come here. Because of this shelter-in-place advisory, I have been telling him I’m more at risk due to my age. He then tries to make me feel guilty by saying things like, “We are both fine; there’s no need to worry.”

The thing is, he’s a nurse in a hospital. I live with two roommates who are in their 60s, and I don’t want to compromise them or my living situation. Am I doing the right thing? What are the risks if I decide to go for a visit and be with him? — Uneasy In The West

Dear Uneasy: You are doing the intelligent thing. What your boyfriend is proposing is risky. Because you don’t want to possibly risk exposing your roommates to covid-19, you cannot travel back and forth.

In my opinion, your boyfriend has a moral and ethical responsibility not to put you at risk. Some hospital employees have arranged to live apart from their loved ones during this crisis to prevent possibly exposing their families to the virus — an arrangement that in some cases lasts for months.

If your boyfriend was concerned about your welfare, he would not be trying to guilt you into seeing him. If you agree to visit him and plan to continue, find an apartment in which you live alone and do not visit your roommates unless you have first been tested and quarantined.

Dear Abby: My daughterin-law was abused by her brother growing up, and her father defends the abuser, which upsets her no end. I’m friendly with her father because he has been nice to me, and this revelation was news to me.

My daughter-in-law sent an email saying how hurt she is. I would like to respond, but I’m not sure what to say.

I love my son and his family, and I don’t understand how things got this way between us. They no longer speak to me or let me (or my wife) have a relationship with my grandchildren. Do you have any advice for me? — Hurt Father-In-Law In Texas

Dear Hurt: It is not surprising that your son and daughter-in-law are now estranged from you and don’t want you around their children. Things got this way because you placed as high a priority on your friendship with the father who defends her abuser as you did on your relationship with your daughter-in-law. While you understand that what happened to her was traumatic, you seem unable to grasp just how painful it has been for her. By siding with the wrong person, you have intensified her trauma.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit