Married couple’s interests diverge now that son has grown

Dear Abby: I’m married to a great husband. We worked well together in our business. He’s loyal, dependable, was a great stepfather when my son was young, etc.

My son is now grown and has moved away, the house needs little work, we only work part-time. The problem is, we don’t have the same interests. I do a lot alone or sometimes with friends. I rarely have anyone to do anything with unless it’s something that interests my husband. Otherwise he complains.

I feel very alone. I feel like I’m wasting my life. Many days I think I should leave, but it would change our lifestyle dramatically. Sometimes I feel we only stay together for the lifestyle. I have tried to talk to him about this many times, but

I get nowhere. Suggestions? — Time Ticks By In New England

Dear Time Ticks By: You feel alone and adrift because you are. The glue that held your marriage together seems to have been your son. It’s time to ask yourself how important your “lifestyle” is.

It’s possible that if you remain in this marriage, you can find what you are looking for by becoming more independent. Travel, join special interest clubs, cultivate new friends, take classes that interest you and live your life.

There is no guarantee your husband will ever be the partner you fantasize he should be. Some sessions with a therapist might be useful to help you clarify your thinking, and that’s what I’m suggesting.

Dear Abby: I am a 13-year-old who wants to be an individual. My 10-year-old brother constantly copies me and mocks me, yet he gets upset whenever I point it out. The last straw was when I went through his YouTube and found almost all of the same music I like.

My parents always say I should be flattered, or he’s just looking up to me. I am tired of it! It’s very, very annoying, and I guarantee that is why he continues to do it.

I’ve tried telling him to stop, but somehow, I always end up being the bad guy. Should I just throw away my entire collection of interests? — Losing My Individuality

Dear Losing: On the contrary. Accept that because you are older, you may always be the leader, and your younger brother will continue to follow you and mimic you. He may not do it to annoy you but because he lacks your imagination and interests of his own. Your mistake is letting what he does affect you. The sooner you overcome that impulse, the better off you will be. You may not be able to control your brother, but you can control the way you react to him, and that’s a skill that will serve you well as you go through life.