Researching family history exposes old murder charges

Dear Abby: While researching my family, I discovered that my now-elderly mother was charged with the murder of a toddler 40 years ago, before I was born. She was never convicted and never mentioned it. After reading her testimony and things she’s said after the incident, I have no doubt she is guilty.

This has me reeling because she has always been a great and loving mother. When she heard I was researching our family, she mentioned that I would find something unsavory and asked me to please not look into it because it’s in the past and she didn’t want it to tarnish my image of her. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. — Shocked In The West

Dear Shocked: If your mother was charged with murder, either the charges were dropped or she was found innocent by a jury. You wrote that your mother was a great and loving mother. For that you should feel grateful because not all children are so fortunate. I think it’s time for you to take the opportunity to get her side of the story. Unless you have all the facts, the last thing you should do is judge her.

Dear Abby: My sweet, introverted son has just started high school. He’s a shy person who has a hard time making friends. The few friends he has aren’t attending the same high school. He has confided that he is terrified that he will be bullied and won’t know how to respond. He asked me if there was a phrase that repels bullies. I told him I don’t know any and I would ask you. — Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom: Like your son, many students transitioning to high school are afraid of the unknown. Why is he afraid of being bullied? Did it happen to him before now? If so, why? Many schools have antibullying policies in place, and students who are subjected to it should report it immediately.

While I know of no onesize-fits-all phrase that will repel a bully, I do think that enrolling your son in martial arts classes would give him a sense of confidence that he is lacking now. You should also encourage him to get involved with special interest groups, which might enable him to meet and interact with more kids and possibly make new friends.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)