Activities for season of yuletide

Last week, the Talkmistress kick-started the holiday season with the somewhat-annual gift guide. This week, she’s back to help you to get through this Season Like No Other.

Here’s how you can spread some cheer and amuse yourself during Holiday 2020:

Smile with your eyes when you happen to be out and about. As has been noted, people can’t see our mouths smiling underneath these masks. As also noted, “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” and “The truth is in the eyes/Cause the eyes don’t lie, amen” (from the old hit “Smiling Faces Sometimes” by The Undisputed Truth). There are online instructions — including Youtube videos! — on how to smile with your eyes.

In face-to-face environments, don’t let your mask deter you from telling people “Merry Christmas/ Hanukkah/Kwanzaa.” Sure, you may sound like you’re verbally conveying a ransom note or secretly talking back to your mom. But a muffled holiday greeting is better than no holiday greeting at all.

While watching TV, play a game with yourself (or make it an eggnog drinking game with others) by counting the recycled Christmas-themed commercials. For a more advanced version of the game, count how many years in all the commercials have been used. I’m feeling generous, so I’ll give you a free example to get started with: The Andy Williams “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” Branson-at-Christmastime tourism commercial.

Similar to the “count the recycled Christmas-themed commercials”: Count the covers of the old Donny Hathaway hit “This Christmas.”

When somebody asks what you’re cooking/serving for the holiday dinner, reply “Oh, I thought we’d have a little boar’s head with bay and rosemary, and sip wassail punch.”

Fashion yourself some edible Christmas ornaments. Take the whole candy-cane thing further by getting some hooks from the hobby store, running them through all the glittery wrapped candy pieces and hanging them on your tree or garland. Then when Christmas is over, eat. Nothing to store!

Or hey — remember Rockefeller, the owl discovered living in the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree in New York? Yep, there goes another Christmas-tree ornament idea: a fake “Rockie!”

Remember the whole “trim your dog/cat to look like a lion” thing

from a few years back? Time for the Santa trim!

Take a cue from the kiddies: Get the fella in your household to dress like Santa. Pose for photos (or take timer selfies) of you on his lap, mouth wide open as you pretend to be loudly bawling your eyes out. Bam … the perfect image for your novelty Christmas cards!

An addendum to last week’s gift guide: Got a loved one who lives in Little Rock’s Quapaw Quarter, South Main District, MacArthur Park District or Pettaway neighborhood? Gift that loved one with a framed Interstate 30 Expansion Detour Maze … an artfully done aerial view of the highway with the remaining open exits and entrances, and the city

street detours, duly marked. Maybe add a cute little lab rat driving a toy car.

A gift that loved one would really love you for: A few IOUs to chauffeur them through all that mess.

From a dear reader who responded to last week’s gift guide: Go to Amazon.com and search for “Hutzler 571 banana slicer.” You can consider one to give as a stocking stuffer or simply do as she instructed: “Read a few of the 6,200-plus comments, being sure not to skip the questions.” Just a couple nuggets:

“Q. I bought one of these and … my bananas have stopped talking to me. What now? A. Bananas are naturally quiet creatures. It’s not unusual for them to go hours, even days, without making a sound. Especially if you’ve resumed taking your medication.” Another answer: “First, you get under their skins and empathize with their bananosity … .”

A review: “Slicing bananas no longer resembles a scene from ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.’ Thank you, Hutzler 571!”

Make a bit of extra Christmas cash by starting a porch-sitting/porch-pirate-deterrent service for all those packages headed to the record number of people who ordered gifts online this year.

Giving socks to someone as a gift? Save some valuable time. Put one sock into the other, then drape some trim around the container sock to make it look like a Christmas stocking. No need to wrap.

When someone asks you what you want for Christmas, tell them you want a fancy furlined robe that looks just like

the one worn by the Ghost of Christmas Present in Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”

Speaking of “A Christmas Carol”: On Christmas morning, yell out at any passer-by (or member of your household), “What day is today?” using a British accent. See if they reply, “It’s Christmas Day!” Give them a shilling or two if they reply in a British accent.

hwilliams@adgnewsroom.com